Moving Forward
by TheoBurr
Summary: Set after 5x07. Gail is tired of being Gail. Dark beginning. Gets lighter in later chapters. M for Mature Theme
1. Chapter 1

Note: I don't own the characters or the universe.

Warning: Very depressing subject. Read at own risk. An idea I thought about writing about before 5x07 but didn't actually feel like writing until now. Just feel like sharing because why not. Will continue.

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><p>Everything just keeps moving. The world hasn't stopped rotating. People just keep on going. They stand at the bar waiting for a chance to get Angus' attention. They play darts and laugh with friends while ordering another round. They set up another game of pool while talking about their days. They just keep going. Everything just keeps going. Everyone in the bar could die in an instant and life would go on around them. Car accidents. Jealous lovers. Fist fights. Disgruntled criminals. Stray bullets. Anything could happen.<p>

"Life. Who needs it?" Gail mumbled to herself in the back corner of the Black Penny. She was slouched in a booth seat, her head resting on the top of the seat back so she could watch everyone milling around living their lives.

"What'd you say, Gail?" asked Traci. The detective was sitting next to her in the booth with Steve sitting across from them.

"I need another drink."

"Trish just brought the one you're…" Traci stopped when she watched Gail down the glass of whiskey and coke in a few gulps. "…never mind. Gail, sweetie. I think you've had enough."

"She's right," added Steve. "You've been drinking since we got here. I don't think it's healthy to have this many empty shot glasses at a table. Even for you."

"You're probably right," said Gail. She managed to push herself to her feet without stumbling. Before moving to leave though, Gail picked up the drink in front of her brother and knocked it back with barely a gasp for air. After throwing a couple of $20s on the table she saluted her brother and headed to the exit. The world was spinning around her but she was actually pretty proud of how well she managed to walk out the doors and into the windy night air. It wasn't until she was out the door and looking around that she realized she didn't have a ride. "Fuck."

Between the way she felt and the alcohol slowly replacing her blood, she found herself unable to move. She just stood there outside the Black Penny. Life was going on behind her the way it always would. A light hand on her shoulder brought Gail crashing back to the moment, away from the life behind the door. She looked over to see Chloe standing next to her, a small smile and furrowed brows. Worried. Chloe looked worried.

"Hey," said Chloe softly.

"Hey."

"You need a ride?" Normally Gail would immediately refuse but not tonight. She just wanted to get home and calling a cab was out of the question. A small nod and Chloe's gentle hands were leading Gail to her car and into the passenger seat.

When they pulled up to Gail's apartment, Chloe parked and turned to Gail. The blonde slowly turned her head to meet her eyes.

"Are you okay? You look really…"

"Just peachy," said Gail quickly forcing a smile. "I just. Drank a little too much. You know me. Crazy alcohol lovin' Gail."

Chloe looked really skeptical but nodded. Neither of the women moved.

"Thanks for the ride, Chloe." Gail found herself reaching over and resting a hand on Chloe's. "I mean it. You're…you're a great person, Chloe. Happy Birthday."

With a pat of her hand, Gail climbed out of the car and headed to the building. On her way up to the apartment, Gail thought about how she probably scared the crap out of Chloe but she just wasn't in the mood to be "Gail" anymore. The social awkwardness. The biting sarcasm. She just wanted to be someone else. Someone more like Chloe or Sophie.

They were both just so open to the world. They weren't afraid to show their feelings to the people around them and they carried themselves with the kind of confidence Gail had to fake on a regular basis just to make it through the day.

Gail Peck just didn't want to be Gail Peck anymore. It was too much work.

When the elevator reached her floor the doors opened to reveal Dov.

"Hey," said Dov, barley looking up to catch her eye.

"Hey," mirrored Gail, attempting some sense of normalcy through the drunken haze.

Life just kept going. People just kept moving.

The apartment was empty when she got there. Of course it was. She raided the kitchen for her hidden bottle of whiskey and headed to her room, locking the door behind her. With a dull thud she threw herself into a sitting position on her bed and looked around her room. Clothes piled up, papers on the floor, and a uniform hanging from the closet door. Gail took a mouth full of whiskey and shook her head when she swallowed it all down.

_Always remember who you are._

_Work harder than everyone else._

_Don't screw up._

Another mouthful of whiskey down, this time with a chaser. Through the growing fog she pulled out her phone. She scrolled through a few pictures. The gang. Sophie. Holly. Her family. Then she sent one message. Only one.

Her eyelids closed. Everything kept moving. She slumped over in the bed. The world kept turning. The vibrating phone slipped from her hand. People just kept going.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I will try to update often. No promises but I will definitely try.

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><p>Sirens broke through the peaceful calm of Gail's mind. Loud. Angry sirens.<p>

Voices. Somewhere above her. Yelling. The world around her is shaking. Hands push and prod at her. Cold plastic snaps in place over her mouth. She tries to open her eyes. Everything is fuzzy and misshapen.

"It's going to be okay. You're going be okay, Gail. You're okay." Traci's voice is chanting in her ear. She's pleading.

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><p>"She's fine," whispered a male voice in the distance. "Physically anyway."<p>

"Doctor, what happened?" Steve. Steve's voice.

Her throat scratched. A tube? A breathing tube. Her eyes fluttered open to see blurry shapes huddled at the end of the hospital bed. They were talking too fast and too low for Gail to make out a single word other than her name. Plastic and tape covered her nose, keeping the tube in place.

She wasn't supposed to be here.

She tried to reach up to touch her face but she felt a pinch at her elbow and the machines around her started to go off.

"Gail?" Traci's hand was on the one she tried to lift, placing it back on the bed. The machines fell silent. "They couldn't get a vein in your hand, you have to keep this arm still sweetie."

Gail was unable to move her arm. The plastic covered her face and was starting to itch. She was starting to feel like she was being suffocated and trapped. Panic was starting to take hold. She could hear wing tipped shoes on concrete under the alarms of the machine going off at her rising heart rate. The doctor was about to call a nurse in when Steve stopped him. Traci squeezed Gail's hand and ran her free fingers through the blonde's choppy hair.

"Gail. You're okay. Everything is fine. You're here. You're safe." Gail let out a strained laugh that scratched her throat and tried to breathe while Traci continued her motherly cooing. Without turning, Traci addressed the doctor. "Can we get this tube removed? It's…she needs it removed."

"I was just about to suggest it. Let me call the nurses."

A few minutes later and the obstruction was gone. Gail felt like she could actually breathe again. The room was silent now except for the hum of the machines she was hooked up to. Steve sat on the edge of the couch watching her intently. Traci was still playing with her hair. Gail suddenly missed the tube. At least then she could get away from the heavy conversation hanging in the air.

"Leo said he wants to come see you later, if that's okay." That wasn't what Gail expected.

"Dad is sitting outside," added Steve. Taking a closer look at him, Gail could see his red eyes and tired face. This was wrong. Everything was all wrong. She wasn't supposed to be seeing this. She wasn't supposed to be here. The look of panic and fear on these people's faces. Their eyes watching her like they actually cared.

"And mom?" Gail's throat hurt and she looked around for water. Traci handed her a bottle and pushed the bed side tray close enough for the blonde to reach.

"She went to your place to grab some clothes and stuff. Doctors have you under 72 hour watch." Steve's voice was barely above a whisper. He couldn't look her in the eye. He barely looked at her at all. So, she couldn't even imagine what her parents were thinking. This has to be the most embarrassing thing Gail had done since her rebellious years. How was it going to look on them that their own daughter tried to put herself into an eternal sleep? How would the Peck name stand up to the scrutiny of people seeing nothing but a suicidal cop?

There was a knock at the door. Steve glanced at Gail before getting up and leaving the room.

Traci's fingers slowly scratched at Gail's scalp, like a comforting massage. Though, if Gail was being honest, it was almost making the knot in her stomach tighten more. This was such a caring gesture. Something Gail wasn't used to, let alone something she knew what to do with. She chose instead to stare at the thin cloth covering the lower half of her body.

"You need anything?" asked Traci, trying to meet Gail's eyes.

Gail managed a small shake of her head. Everything blurred. Her head was pounding. Reaching up with her other hand she noticed the bandages from her elbow to her hand. That made no sense. The last thing she remembered was lying down in her bed, ignoring a call from her mother. She wondered what happened but was too embarrassed to ask. A bandage on her head told her that she must have hit her head at some point which would also explain the not remembering.

Traci removed her hand from the blonde's head and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, facing away from her.

"Why, Gail?" Traci sighed and shook her head. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

Gail stayed quiet and looked down at her arm. She turned it and registered the pain that shot through her body. Everything was getting hazy again. This was all too much. She wasn't supposed to be here. Traci wasn't supposed to be looking at her like that. Steve wasn't supposed to be avoiding looking at her at all.

She wasn't supposed to be here.

There was no choice now. Although, really did she ever have a choice about being anywhere? She closed her eyes and rested her head back.

"Can you…" whispered Gail. "Can you get a nurse?"

Traci turned and looked at Gail for a moment. Then she nodded and headed out the door.

A few minutes later and a woman walks in the door. She smiles at Gail as she walked up to the bed.

"I'm Becky. What do you need, darling?"

"What…?" Gail lifted her arm slightly and gave an exhausted wave toward her head.

"Oh, maybe the doctor should…" The nurse made a move toward the door before Gail stopped her.

"No. Please. I'm just…" stammered Gail. "I can't remember."

"Well, I don't know as much as the doctor does."

"That's fine. Just. I don't want to ask them." Tears were welling up in her eyes. Gail looked away quickly and wiped her eyes on the back of the bandages on her arm. The room remained silent for a few minutes.

"From what I know, you were found by Detective Nash." Becky paused to take a shaky breath. "There was significant blood loss from the…from the cuts…on your left hand and wrist and you hit your head on something when you passed out. When you arrived last night, we pumped your stomach of all the oxycodone and alcohol. I'm really sorry. I don't know anything more specific than that."

Gail nodded, still turned toward the window. It was more than enough information to guess what happened. Tears were streaming down her face but she tried to act like it was just any other day. After a few uncomfortable moments of watching the wind shuffle the branches on a tree out the window, Gail finally spoke.

"Can I get the IV moved?" she asked. "I bend my arms a lot in my sleep."

"Absolutely," said Becky, a little more enthusiastic with the change in subject. "I will be right back. Would you like me to send anyone in?"

"Who…" Gail took a deep breath to steady her emotions. "Who is out there?"

"Your father and mother, your brother, Detective Nash, and a few others I don't know," said Becky. Gail shook her head.

"Can you…can you just bring me whatever my mother brought me and tell them to go back to work?"

Becky's face fell a little but she smiled and nodded. "We have to go through your stuff first but I will bring in whatever I can. If you want to watch some television the remote is on the table there. I will be right back, Officer Peck."

"Gail. Just…just Gail."

"Okay, Gail." Becky smiled and headed out the door.

There was talking in the hallway and something that sounded like someone hitting the wall. Gail turned on the television and turned up the volume so she could block out whatever was going on behind the door. The crushing realization of what happened was hitting her hard and she used the sounds of a studio audience and mediocre actors to cover up her sobbing. Through the fog in her mind, she remembered what she had said to Holly weeks ago. There was no going back.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: This story is really more about Gail and her relationship with those around her (not just Holly) but I'm still an avid Golly fan and this is still a Golly story so here's some Holly! Yes, the Golly shall be slow-burn, sorry. But this story is kind of personal for me at the same time as an idea I had for Gail so I don't want to just rush stuff because I want it. Also, this next week I'm going to be busy with my sister and nieces but I'm going to try and get as much written as I can.

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><p>No one was in the morgue except Holly. It was just the way she liked it when she had too much on her mind. That was always one good thing about working with the dead instead of the living. Holly could lose herself in her work at any hour of the day and so long as she documented everything, no one thought anything of it. The dead certainly didn't judge her for working into the unreasonable hours of the night. It had been a day since seeing Gail and Holly found herself not wanting to be terribly social at the moment.<p>

Glancing at the time on her phone she sighed and leaned back in her chair. There was a missed call and a few missed texts from Rachel and one missed message from Lisa. The reception was terrible in the morgue so she figured she must have gotten all these during her last trip to the vending machines.

"Why did you tell her you were seeing someone?" read the first of Rachel's messages. "It seems like she wants to make up for being a dink. I'm not saying you should jump back into it. But, I know you Holls and you really like this one."

The missed call was probably Rachel just telling her to leave the morgue and go home. So, she glanced at the last of Rachel's messages telling her not to listen to anything Lisa says and then the message from Lisa telling her she could do better and that Mary would love to see her again. That just made Holly roll her eyes.

Holly yawned and looked back down at the papers on her desk. Her body was finally telling her to go home and pass out. After locking everything up, she made her way to the main entrance because it was the only one open passed normal business hours. As she was walking around the corner to the security station she could hear someone yelling at Doug, the guard.

"Look, she's not home and no one can get a hold of her," yelled a familiar voice while Doug stuttered for the guy to calm down. "All I want to know is if Dr. Stewart is here. That's it."

"Sir, I can't give that information…" started Doug before Holly cut him off from behind him.

"Officer Epstein?" asked Holly, recognizing him from pictures Gail had shown him and the few times she bumped into him around the morgue. "I'm sure whatever lab work you need done can wait until…"

"Gail's in the hospital."

Knowing and feeling were two different things, Holly was well aware of that as a scientist. But in that moment she could swear her heart stopped. She stared at Dov and could see how panicked the officer looked. His eyes were red and he looked completely disheveled. Holly couldn't move, she had to force herself to breathe normally again.

"Look," said Dov, striding over to her. Doug stood up as if to protect her in case this guy was crazy. She glanced over at him and shook her head before turning all of her attention back to Dov. "I know you guys broke up or whatever but I just…"

He looked around nervously. "I might have spooked her before she met your friends that day and I'm sorry. But she still really cares about you and I just came down here because I thought you should know…"

"Epstein." Holly finally found her voice during Dov's rambling. While his information was interesting, it wasn't anything she wanted to hear right now. "You can't open with 'Gail's in the hospital' and not tell me why. Whatever else you have to say can wait."

The officer suddenly looked very uncomfortable and stared at his feet while fiddling with his belt.

"She tried to…" he choked. Then, putting on his best stoic police officer face, looked up at her face determined to get this out. "She chased a bottle of whiskey with a bottle of oxycodone before punching her fist through a mirror."

"Oh my god." Holly gasped and Doug and Dov both rushed over to steady the doctor. It was like the very earth had given out from under her. She leaned on Dov for a few seconds to regain her composure. She had to detach herself from this. Just enough to get through it. The way she got through autopsies on children. A quick shake of her head and she straightened herself back up. "Okay. So, she's at the hospital?"

Dov nodded, keeping a hand on her shoulder. She welcomed the comfort.

"So, they found her in time? Can I go?" Holly paused and worry crossed her face again. "Should I go?"

"Last I heard from Traci she was awake. The superintendent is still there, um…Gail's mom. So is Steve. Everyone else went home or back to work though because she won't let anyone in."

Holly nodded. Sounded like Gail.

"But she's okay? Right?"

Dov looked at her for a moment before shrugging in defeat, tears were forming in his eyes. "I don't know. I've been on duty. I took a noise complaint down the road so I could come tell you. I tried to call."

Holly was amazed by this admission. She could tell how much Dov cared for Gail.

"The morgue gets terrible reception," she said quickly. "Epstein. Dov. What should I do?"

"I don't know," he said. Tears were running silently down his cheeks. "I just know that Gail…well, you mean a lot to her. I couldn't just leave you out here, not knowing."

They looked at each other for a moment. Neither really knew what to say to the other.

"Can you give me a ride to the hospital?" asked Holly. Even if Gail wouldn't let anyone in, even if Gail came out of the room and specifically told her to fuck off, she couldn't just go home knowing that Gail was in the hospital and she didn't trust herself driving over with how distracted her thoughts were. Dov nodded and she followed him to his waiting cruiser while giving Doug a small wave goodbye.

Dov opened the back door and shut it when Holly was situated. Holly looked through the partition and saw Chris staring out into the distance through the windshield. His eyes were as bloodshot as Dov's. As Dov silently got behind the wheel and started heading to the hospital, Holly couldn't imagine how hard it was to do their job in situations like this.

The thought made her mind snap back to the situation at hand. Gail had tried to kill herself. Gail was sitting in a hospital, probably hooked up to every kind of monitoring machine possible, feeling suffocated, alone, and ashamed. Why would Gail do this?

"You don't think this was because of me, do you?" Holly's voice was barely above a whisper. Neither men immediately spoke. They were trying to careful word their answers.

"I don't know, Holly," said Chris. His voice sounded hoarse. "I mean, I don't think so. Gail's been out of it since fight night, sure, but not like this."

"Even if your break up played a part, I really doubt it's the only reason," added Dov. "Gail's tough. She. She's really tough. Must have been a lot of things. Things just piling up. Things she didn't tell anyone."

The last part was whispered and Holly could almost feel the sadness and guilt coming off the men in front of her. The rest of the ride was in silence. Both men solemnly waved goodbye to her after Dov let her out of the back at the main entrance before taking off in the cruiser, back to work.

Holly shut her eyes and took a deep breath before heading inside the automatic doors. Swallow it all down, she told herself. Stay calm. No feelings. Just science. By the time she made it to the counter she could feel herself falling into the stoic rhythm she had during the tougher cases. With some persuasion and name dropping, Holly managed to get Gail's room number from the woman at the front desk and headed to the elevators.

In the waiting room of Gail's ward, Holly spotted Steve with his arm around the woman she recognized as Superintendent Elaine Peck. They had met once during a conference but Holly doubted she remembered her. It had been years and Holly had only been doing her fellowship at the time. Traci was sitting on the other side of Steve, her fingers intertwined with his. Both Peck's had their eyes closed with their heads resting back against the wall. So, Traci was the first to spot Holly standing in the entrance to the ward awkwardly, like she had just interrupted something.

"Holly!" Traci was up and headed to her so quickly Holly barely had time to respond to the hug from the other woman. "So, Dov was able to get ahold of you?"

Holly just nodded. Being here, surrounded by hard hospital chairs and seeing the hallway of rooms off to the side was threatening to bring a horde of feelings into the doctor's throat.

"Come sit down with us," said Traci, leading Holly over to the redheads. Traci sat in the chairs across form them with Holly next to her. The detective's hand was still holding her own and Holly was very gracious for the comfort. Both Pecks were watching both of them now, though Steve not as intently as the superintendent.

"Superintendent Elaine Peck," said the slight woman, sticking her hand out across the gap for Holly to shake.

"Doctor Holly Stewart," replied Holly, giving Elaine a quick but firm shake of her hand.

"The forensic pathologist?" asked Elaine. She was looking over Holly with tired eyes trying to size her up even through the seriousness of the current situation. Holly nodded but said nothing. "Gail and Steve have both spoken very highly of your work."

"Thank you, superintendent." Holly really didn't know what else to say. This was not how she had envisioned meeting Gail's mother for the first time.

"Please. Call me Elaine."

"Thank you, Elaine." Holly offered a small smile. But she didn't want to talk pleasantries with the Pecks. She wanted news of Gail. Any news. "How is she?"

"She's awake but said she didn't want to see anyone right now," said Steve. "Mom refuses to leave even though she made our dad leave an hour ago."

"Of course I'm not leaving," huffed Elaine. She looked tired but determined. The same stubborn look on her face that Holly was used to from Gail. "I'm not leaving until I can see her. That is my daughter in there. She is my daughter."

"You know she's just going to think you're worried about your career and appearances for you and dad," sighed Steve.

"Gail's going to think whatever she wants. She always has. That doesn't stop her from being my daughter Steven," snapped Elaine.

"I know, mom." Steven shifted his hand and rubbed his mother's shoulder before pulling her into his side.

It was strange seeing this scene unfold in front of her. Every impression she had been given of Elaine Peck was that of a powerful, driven, woman and here she was in front of her acting like any other mother in this situation. Not that she doubted the stories. Elaine Peck was still a woman to be reckoned with and she was well aware of the stories. If it weren't for Traci holding her hand, being so inviting, and pulling her into this moment Holly would have felt so unwelcome and out of place. Now they just had to wait for Gail to welcome them back into her world.

Holly was still freaking out. Running over every meager body movement she could remember from Gail being at her lab the other day. Was there something she missed? Could she have prevented this? How could she help now? Would she just make it worse by being there? The only comforts she had was Traci's hand and the knowledge that somewhere down the hall Gail was awake and alive.


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Usually I proof read these things before posting but I'm heading out the door to go pick up my sister and nieces from the airport so I haven't had a chance. I personally believe that Elaine Peck loves her daughter, she just has a really weird way of showing it that actually just puts the two women at odds with each other.

Also, thank you thank you thank for any and all support. I give up pretty easily on writing things but the support I've gotten for this has been great and has made me want to keep posting. Thus, my excited posting while running out the door to do life things.

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><p>Gail had been in the hospital for most of an entire day before she decided to let anyone back into the room. Lucky for her the female doctor that had taken over from the first guy had taken her request to be alone very seriously and kept everyone at bay beyond the door. She didn't know how to face any of them. They probably all thought she was insane and pathetic. It's not like any of them thought she worked very hard for anything in life. Why wouldn't she be the kind of person to give up?<p>

"Aw man, how do you always beat me?" moaned Leo, pulling her out of her own thoughts.

The only person she decided to let into the room was Traci's son, Leo. She figured he would be the least likely to ask anything and she wasn't quite up to talking about anything yet. He was sitting at the end of the hospital bed staring at his Nintendo 3DS in disbelief. Gail had just beat him in another cup of Mario Kart.

"You're the only person I can't beat, Gail. It's not fair." She liked having Leo in the room with her. He offered company with none of the judgment or pitiful looks. It's true that he looked a little worried at all the machines at first but being ten years old, he was quickly distracted by video games. Lucky for Gail her handheld was one of the things her mom brought that she was allowed to have.

Every so often a nurse would pop in and check on her. Leo had asked about it after the first couple of times but Becky was quick to tell him that she was just making sure Gail hadn't broken any of their machines. Leo's phone went off and he quickly checked the message.

"Mom wants to know if she can come see you."

Gail rolled her eyes and nodded. She could probably avoid the rest of them but Traci was different. There was no avoiding the woman that Gail felt she owed everything to. One text later and Traci was walking into the room.

"Hey, Leo. Why don't you go grab some lunch with Steve? He says he's going to try and sneak Gail some donuts." Traci held the door open for Leo who ran out, excited about the prospect of donuts for lunch. The door closed behind the detective but she didn't move any closer to the bed.

"I'm not going to burst into flames," said Gail. She looked out the window. For some reason, she suddenly found the tree outside to be the most interesting thing ever. At the very least, it was much easier to look at than the woman in front of the door.

"I know." Traci moved to the bed, kicked off her shoes, and took Leo's previous spot. "How are you feeling?"

"Alive." All Traci could do was nod at that, knowing that in this situation that wasn't necessarily a good thing in Gail's eyes as thankful as Traci was that her friend was still in front of her. Very quietly, and out of pure curiosity, Gail breached the subject she was dreading. "Nurse said you were the one that found me. How'd you know?"

"Chloe." At this, Gail snapped her attention to Traci. Tears were threatening Gail's eyes but that had been happening all day. How could Chloe have been a clue? While Gail had been slowly coming apart through the night, she certainly hadn't been thinking of downing the bottle of pain killers when Price gave her a ride home. "She called me after dropping you off. She mentioned being worried because you wished her a happy birthday but that had been the day before and asked how much you had to drink that night. Then Steve got a call from your mother saying you weren't answering her calls."

"Well, that last bit isn't unusual," quipped Gail.

"True. But with everything else, I just figured I'd go check on you. It was really just a gut feeling, you know?" Traci rested her hand on Gail's knee and smiled at the blonde while she still had her attention. "You know I care about you, right?"

Gail sighed but said nothing. She turned her attention back to her super awesome window tree. She suddenly regretted ever bringing up the subject. Of course people were going to make this about their feelings for her.

_They're just trying to give you a reason to stay because they love you, _said a familiar voice in her head but she shrugged the positive imagery from her mind.

"Gail," pleaded Traci. "I know that asking 'why' is a huge question in situations like this but I just can't think of anything else to ask. We almost lost you."

"We?" Gail's voice was small. She felt like a little kid again being told by her mom how disappointed she was in her performance.

"All of us. Me, Steve, your parents, everyone at 15, Holly…" Traci purposefully trailed off on the last name and it got the reaction she was expecting. Gail turned and looked her over skeptically.

"Holly? Ha. Right. She's probably off with her new someone. Nice try, Trace," snapped Gail.

"Actually she's in the waiting room." The blonde's eyes snapped to Traci's. "She's been here since midnight."

Closing her eyes, Gail leaned back in the bed and tried to gather some sort of mental calm. Holly was out in the waiting room. Of course she was. She probably felt like this was all about her. She probably thought Gail was some pathetic teenage who overreacts after being dumped and decides to end it all. Heaven forbid she have a challenging job, a terrible relationship with her family, and a growing sense of unease with life at the same time she shoved the woman she loved out of her life just by simply being Gail Peck.

_Or maybe she actually cares about your dumbass. _This nagging voice in the back of Gail's thoughts was really starting to get annoying.

"Your mom also hasn't left," added Traci after the few moments of silence Gail sat thinking. The blonde let out an incredibly dry laugh.

"Probably wants to make sure no one from the paper shows up. Juicy news. Superintendent's Suicidal Cop Daughter." Gail said the last part like a news bulletin and then trailed off into a mumble. "Or something. I'm terrible at headlines."

"Or she wants to make sure her daughter is okay," offered Traci. "Look I get it. You probably aren't the happiest with either of them right now. But the fact is that they're here Gail. For you. I'm not saying you have to talk to them or that you owe them anything because you don't have to do anything you don't want to. All I'm saying is that, as your friend, I think you should let them at least set eyes on you. Let them see that you are actually alive and breathing."

Deep down Gail knew that Traci was right and she could hear that annoying little voice agreeing with her friend beyond all the other badgering thoughts of shame and fear. Her mother probably hated her right now for giving her a heavy situation she was going to have to sweep under the rug or detach herself from. Holly probably just wanted to see Gail suffering. Okay, so maybe Holly wasn't actually that type of person but Gail wanted to be mad at her so she let the thought stay.

"Fine. Whatever." Gail lightly kicked at Traci to get out of her bed. As terrible as Gail felt inside the idea of having Traci push this issue again was just going to bother her. Maybe the faster she got this out of the way the faster she could just go back to hanging out with her window tree and video games.

"So, I can let them in?" asked Traci, wanting verbal confirmation before pushing any further.

"Sure, why not? The furniture is probably shit out there anyways. I have nothing else to do, I might as well be a good hostess." Gail was sure Traci knew she was putting up her normal defenses of sarcasm and boredom and just nodded before moving out of the room.

Gail tried to steady her breathing before the door opened and as people entered the room, she glanced over to see her heart rate slowly going up. Why did she agree to this again?

Elaine moved to one side of her bed and reached for Gail's injured hand. She lightly ran her fingers over the bandages that Gail just noticed probably needed to be changed because blood was showing through the fabric. Letting her eyes flicker away from her mother's hands for a moment, Gail saw Holly quietly sit on the couch in front of the window. The brunette wasn't looking directly at her though and was instead inspecting the lights and beeping numbers all around Gail.

_Nerd, _thought Gail. Leave it to Holly to be fixated on the science.

"Your brother should be back soon. The hospital told us that we aren't supposed to give you any outside food until at least tomorrow but I told him to grab a couple of donuts from the bakery down the street," said Elaine. So far so good. But the inevitable was nearing.

"Thanks but I doubt I'll be any hungrier than earlier," said Gail as she absently waved at the empty food tray on the bedside table. "Leo ate more of that than I did. For some reason, having your stomach pumped leaves you a little sick at the thought of food."

Normally her biting comments would earn exasperated sighs of annoyance from all the women there but there was nothing. Elaine and Traci were just watching her while Holly toyed with the hem of her sweater. The awkward, unexpected, response made Gail feel more uncomfortable. She'd much rather have all three of them tell her to shut up than look at her like she was fragile and to be pitied. Elaine was the first to approach the subject Gail was dreading.

"Gail. Why did you…" Leave it to Elaine Peck to get straight to the point.

"I don't know, mother. I don't," snapped Gail before Elaine could even finish. The blonde shrugged and pulled her hand away from the older woman's touch, setting it defensively across her chest. "I was drunk and sad and…and I don't know. So, don't ask."

"Alright." Elaine didn't move from her spot. Instead she reached up and brushed her fingers lightly through Gail's short hair. "I like your hair."

"Tell Holly. She's the one who cut it." Gail turned her head away from both women and decided instead to stare at Traci's shoes.

"I just fixed it. Otherwise that was all you," said Holly with the hint of a laugh. She was still playing with the hem of her sweater.

"Well," Elaine looked from Holly to her daughter. Gail was sure her mother was figuring everything out between the two women in just those small glances but if she did she didn't say anything. "It looks nice. Do you need us to get you anything, Gail?"

Anger was slowly boiling under Gail's skin. This wasn't Elaine Peck. Aliens had obviously invaded and taken hold of the female superintendent of Toronto PD. Whoever this woman was it was making Gail angry and horribly uncomfortable. She would rather deal with her mother's normal dismissal and judgment than the shell of a caring women in front of her. There was an angle somewhere that she was playing, Gail just had to figure it out.

In the silence, Traci had wandered over to the empty chair on Gail's other side and sat down. She scooted closer and reached her hand through the bed's gate to lightly clasp Gail's, being careful not to hit the newly placed IV on the back of it. Gail was grateful for this gesture. She knew that Traci was aware of the tentative relationship she had with her mother. If Gail were to ever label someone as a best friend it would be Traci Nash.

"So, who've had to threaten so far to keep this quiet?" Gail was going to take the small amount of strength she got from Traci's hand to dig into the mystery consuming her mind. Elaine looked over Gail for a moment before resting her hands on both hips. This seemingly aggressive body language was what Gail called the patented Elaine Peck defensive stance.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You don't?" Gail actually smiled. "So, the fact that your personal physician is currently overseeing me and that the nurse is the daughter of one of your white shirt friends is just a coincidence?"

Elaine Peck narrowed her eyes but said nothing.

"You've been grooming me for detective since I was old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong, mother." The bite behind the word mother would normally be something Gail wouldn't do around other people but she wasn't in the mood for masks. Her hand and head was killing her and because of what happened, the hospital was rightfully denying her pain killers. "You can't honestly expect me to not notice when those women have been to almost every Peck Party. So, why are you really here? Trying to talk to me before you can figure out how to spin this to the department?"

"I'm doing this for you," said Elaine, not a single hint of the caring that was in her voice before. "You get branded mental and your entire career is down the drain."

"My career?" Gail laughed. Every defense she had was active. "You mean the donut patrol?"

At the mention of the beat, Gail's eyes flickered to Holly for a moment, remembering what Boobjob had said about her job. The brunette was silent but was watching her intently from the couch.

"You don't care about my career because I know you've figured it out by now." Gail was on a roll. Between the comforting touch of Traci's hand and the watchful eye of her ex-girlfriend, Gail had somehow gained the nerve to tell her mother off. "I have no interest in being detective, at least not anytime soon, and I have zero interest in ever being a white shirt. And I know that bugs the shit out of you."

For what felt like eternity, Elaine just met her daughter's defiant gaze. Finally the superintendent shrugged and headed to the door.

"I know you're going to believe whatever you want but you are my daughter first and I am just trying to help you," said Elaine. Without looking back she paused for a moment with door almost closed behind her. "This is just the only way I know how."


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Oops. I sort of accidentally stayed up all night writing this instead of sleeping. Hanging out with my family today is going to suck. Oh well. No regrets!

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><p>No one spoke after Elaine Peck left the room. Gail turned the television to some cheesy hospital drama in order to focus on anything but the silence. Traci turned the chair to watch it while not letting go of Gail's hand. She actually intertwined their fingers together and leaned her head against the bed's railing. Holly curled up against the back of the couch with her legs pulled up to her chest.<p>

"We come bearing gifts!" shouted Steve as he lightly kicked the door open and killed any awkwardness hanging in the room. Between Leo and Steve, the boys had brought coffee, soda, water for Gail, and sandwiches from the deli down the street. Hidden underneath the sandwiches was a curled up paper bag with two of Gail's favorite donuts. Steve smiled and acted like a goof as he hid them under Gail's blanket next to her.

"Sign number three, confirming my suspicions that our mother has paid off the hospital staff," said Gail as she bit into a delicious turkey sandwich.

"You figured that out, huh? Is that why mom left in such a huff?" Traci nodded when Gail didn't answer him. "I'm not one to scold you about the way you treat mom but…"

"What!? Yes you are. All the time in fact."

"Okay, okay. Fine, but I have a point," sighed Steve as he plopped down on the couch next to Holly, handing her the salad and mineral water he bought for her.

"Knives also have points," said Gail with a smirk. Steve just raised his hand in mock defeat. Gail moved her eyes from her brother to Holly. For a few moments she just watched the brunette as she crossed her legs and opened her salad. "Don't you have a job?"

Holly looked up suddenly and looked around to see who Gail was talking to, realizing it was her she looked at Gail and shrugged.

"I finished a lot of work last night so I told Rodney to call me if he needed me. Said I'd be here all day." Holly paused and thought for a moment. "Unless you want me to leave?"

"You can stay." Gail looked down at her sandwich. "If you want to."

Not really understanding or even really paying attention to the adults in the room, Leo grabbed his food from Steve and jumped back up on the end of the bed to eat it.

"When we're done with lunch," said Leo after a large bite of his burger, "wanna play another round? I really think I'll beat you this time."

"You got it," said Gail, kicking her foot at him from under the sheet.

Lunch was mostly eaten in silence. Occasionally, Holly would comment on the inaccuracies of the show on the television and Steve and Traci would laugh. Then when Gail finished eating, she went back to beating Leo in Mario Kart. She was actually starting to feel a little better than she had the day before. Becky would still come in and check on her but Gail realized she came in less frequently with the others in the room. She talked to her dad over the phone a little after 2 in the afternoon and luckily he didn't even talk about why she was in the hospital. He just asked how she was feeling and if he could visit her that evening.

Despite being in the hospital and the reasons for it, Gail would actually say the day was pretty good. Even though her hand was really killing her, especially with all the video games she was playing with Leo but she just couldn't say no to the kid. She was going to miss his company when he left. Lucky for Gail it wasn't until well after the sun set that Traci got up to get ready to go.

"Alright, Leo. I have been up for almost 36 hours. I would like to go home and sleep in my nice comfortable bed," said Traci. She moved around the room and started collecting all the trash. "There might be room for you and Gail on that bed but not the rest of us."

Gail and Leo were cuddled up on the hospital bed watching some cartoon movie that the rest of them didn't know anything about. Steve had secretly taken a picture of them earlier and he and Holly were laughing about how cute they looked. When Traci mentioned leaving Gail wrapped her arm around Leo and gave him a squeeze.

"Leave the boy. Take Steve," she said waving her other hand in her brother's direction. "And don't think I don't know what you two are laughing about over there."

"Well, as much as I'd love to leave my son in a hospital, he sort of has school in the morning." Traci picked up Leo's stuff and put it all in the bag he'd brought with him. When she finished packing, she moved over to Gail and pulled her into a hug best she could. "I have to go back to work tomorrow but I'll come by in the morning and I'll bring Leo back after I pick him up."

Before pulling away she gave Gail a quick kiss on the forehead and the blonde smiled.

"Can you adopt me? That'd be great," joked Gail as Leo hugged her and hopped out of the bed.

"Ugh. You don't want that," said Leo, sticking his tongue out. "You'll have to do chores and she'll bug you about doing your work. And she'll take your video games away if you don't."

"She does that anyways," laughed Gail. Traci nodded and motioned to Leo to pull his coat on.

Steve got up and also pulled his sister into an awkward hug.

"Call me if you need anything," he said with a forehead kiss of his own. "Anything."

"Whatever. Get out of here you losers before you get anymore ooey-gooey with me. It's making me nauseous again."

They left and the room fell silent again. Gail focused on the television and turned it to some investigation discovery show about cold cases. It was one of the few shows she watched that Holly actually liked to watch with her.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," said Gail quietly. As good as the day went and as better as she was feeling she didn't know how ready she was to talk to Holly about anything. She didn't want Holly to leave but she also didn't want Holly to stay out of pity.

"What if I want to?" Gail glanced at Holly then back at the television. The brunette had laid back on the couch with her head resting on the arm. She was also using the television as a means of distraction just as much as Gail was.

A pillow flew across the room and smacked Holly in the face. Gail tried to quickly look innocent like she was just watching the super interesting murder case on the screen. Holly laughed and tucked the pillow under her head. It had to be a lot more comfortable than the arm of the couch. Both women just silently watched the program and Gail hoped that the visit Oliver had promised her over text earlier would happen sooner. She'd even welcome the interruption of her father.

Finally, Gail couldn't take it anymore. There was too much hanging in the air and she had to say something. She didn't know how she was going to though. If she was too weak to even answer Holly's calls a week ago, how was she going to begin to talk about this? Finally she got a really dumb idea and pulled her phone off the table next to her.

"This wasn't because of you," texted Gail. She watched the side of Holly's face and waited as the brunette pulled her phone out of her pocket. Holly let out a small laugh and texted back, dropping the phone on her chest.

"I know. I wouldn't be here if I thought you had. I wouldn't do that to you," read Holly's text.

"I really don't know why I did it," replied Gail.

After reading that text Holly sat up and looked at Gail dead in the eye. Her eyes started watering and she was shaking her head like she was saying that it didn't matter why.

"I'm just glad you're alive, Gail." It sounded like Holly was choking back crying. Gail wondered how long she'd been holding this all back. "You could have done…it could have happened…for any reason. I don't care. I'm just happy you're still here."

Neither woman spoke for what seemed like forever before Gail found herself unable to contain her thoughts again. It was always hard around Holly to keep things to herself.

"Are you really seeing someone?" Gail asked quietly, looking down at her arm. She moved a couple of fingers to use the pain to distract her from how much having this conversation wasn't like her.

"I went on a date. Had another one planned," answered Holly honestly.

"Had?" asked Gail before realizing how nosey she was being. Holly didn't owe her any answers. "Sorry. You don't have to say anything. I just. I don't know. I was a jerk. You don't owe me anything."

"I don't," nodded Holly, agreeing with Gail's last statement. Gail glanced over to see her wiping tears from her eyes and slouching down on the couch. "But yes, had. I cancelled. It's seemed rude to go on a date while crying just because your ex said you were the most wonderful person she'd ever met."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It really wasn't fair to be seeing someone when you're all I can think about anyways." Gail was actually amazed at how easy it was for Holly to be so frank. Where did she find this woman? Oh yeah. In a ravine. With a dead body. "I just thought it would be a good distraction. You obviously didn't want anything to do with me."

"I was scared. Okay, no. I was petrified." Gail could barely get her voice above a whisper.

"Why?" Gail could feel Holly's eyes on her face but she couldn't bear to turn and look at her.

"Of being happy," shrugged Gail. She leaned back and laid her head back to stare at the ceiling. "Of falling in love with someone so amazing. Someone who could do a billion times better than some legacy beat cop."

Holly was quiet but Gail knew she was still looking at her.

"Gail." The blonde continued to stare at the ceiling until Holly spoke again. "Gail, look at me, please."

She reluctantly turned her head and looked over at Holly. There was no getting around it because the please sounded so sad, so broken Gail couldn't even believe it was coming from the other woman.

"Being with you was never about being with some 'legacy beat cop'. It was about being with you," said Holly. "It was about being with Gail Peck. Everything else about you is just happenstance. Wonderful and amazing but just happenstance."

Gail groaned and covered her face with her bandaged hand.

"I'm so stupid." Gail couldn't believe how idiotic this entire situation was and how it was all because she just didn't sit down and talk to Holly. Why did she have to be so Gail about everything? There was absolutely no reason she could think of that would justify not just sitting down with Holly and telling her how scared she was and how ashamed she was of being scared.

"Thickheaded and stubborn were my choice of words," laughed Holly as she got up and headed to the bathroom to wash her face. "Might have also called you a jackass."

"You probably hate me." Gail sighed and pulled the small hospital blanket above her head.

"I probably should," shrugged Holly from the bathroom doorway. "I was angry and sad. When you didn't answer my calls I just figured you were done with me."

The blanket was sheer and Gail watched the fuzzy blur of Holly lean against the doorframe looking at her. The blonde shut her eyes and wished to go back in time to the bar and punch herself. If she was lucky this was all just a really long, terrible dream. When she felt the bed move, Gail opened her eyes to see blurry Holly sitting down where Leo had been earlier.

"Do you think you could ever give me a second chance?" asked Gail through the blanket. She actually found it easier to talk honestly like this. She tried to make a mental note of that for the next time she needed to talk to someone. Holly was quiet for a few minutes and Gail could hear the beeping on the machine next to her speed up slightly with her heart rate. Maybe she had gone too far too fast.

"Yes but…," said Holly. The blanket slid off of Gail's head and when it fell into her lap, she saw Holly's hand pulling at the bottom of it. Holly gestured with her other hand to the machines around the bed. "Figure out all this first. You don't need to worry about us. Not with all this."

Gail nodded while the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. Holly smiled back at her and then beckoned toward her injured hand.

"Now let me see your hand. It's been bugging me all day." Gail sat up and held her arm out and Holly took it lightly while scooting closer so she didn't have to pull her across the bed.

Slowly she unwrapped the bandages that Gail remembered she had seen blood on earlier that day. She had forgotten to mention it to Becky. There were cuts across Gail's knuckles and the first joints of her fingers which explained why it was so painful to move her fingers. Two bigger cuts ran down the sides of Gail's arm like the glass had cut her as it fell down. Those were stitched closed and Holly made a noise that told Gail she was annoyed with the job.

"No wonder. This is terrible," mumbled Holly to herself before pushing her glasses up. She reached next to Gail and hit the 'call nurse' button on the bed's railing. No more than a moment later, a young man entered the room.

"Hey you're not Becky," said Gail. The nurse stopped.

"Nope. My name is Kyle," he said looking between the two women watching him and down at Gail's arm. "Um…"

"Okay, so which one of your parents knows my mom?" snapped Gail, not recognizing this kid. This explained why Becky hadn't been in to check on her in a while.

"What?" asked Kyle. He clearly had no idea what was going on.

"Sorry, Gail. He's one of mine," said Holly. "Kyle, these stitches are terrible. Can you call Dr. Torres and ask her to fix this?"

Kyle nodded, quickly looked over Gail's vitals, and headed out of the room.

"One of yours? What?" Gail was really confused now.

"Your mother asked if I knew anyone in the hospital."

"Ugh. You helped her. That's like making a deal with the devil, Holly."

"No. I wanted to help you. I wanted to make sure you got the best care. If your mother has talked to Kyle or Marie, that's between her and them," said Holly, shaking her head while lightly turning Gail's hand over to inspect the other small scrapes and nicks she saw. "Marie should be able to re-stitch this so that scarring will be minimal."

"Nerd." Holly looked up at Gail and smirked. Gail just smiled. She liked having her friend back.

Dr. Torres knocked and entered the room. She was a tall woman with olive skin and dark brown hair pulled up in a messy bun. Holly motioned for her to come over and pointed down at Gail's arm. Dr. Torres nodded and moved over to the other side of the bed to be able to get a better look at the stitching.

"Wow, yeah. Someone wasn't really taking their time when they did this. I'll be right back." As Dr. Torres was about to head to the door, she lightly squeezed Holly's arm and smiled at her. "Nice to see you, Holly."

Holly moved off the bed and picked her phone up from the couch to check it. Gail was looking at the door wondering how Holly knew this pretty Dr. Marie Torres when a hand on her shoulder pulled her back to reality.

"She's married," said Holly with a smile.

"I didn't say anything," said Gail defensively. Holly just rolled her eyes and smiled, shoving her phone into her front pocket. Gail narrowed her eyes at her. "Where are you going?"

"Calm down. I'm just going to go home and shower, grab some stuff," said Holly. "I'd also like to get my car out of the morgue parking lot."

Gail couldn't stop herself from looking a little sad at the thought of Holly leaving. They were talking again and it was nice. Gail wasn't ready to lose that again.

"If I promise that I'm coming right back, will you stop looking like a kicked kitten?" Holly was standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Bring me back cheese puffs and I'll consider it." Holly laughed and rolled her eyes.

Before Holly reached the door, it popped open and Oliver Shaw walked in with a bunch of balloons and flowers.

"Ta-da!" shouted Oliver, opening his arms wide before him. When he spotted Holly smiling next to him, he quickly pulled her into a hug and patted her back. "Dr. Stewart, a pleasure to see you."

"You too, Oliver. However, I was just headed home for a bit," laughed Holly. She looked over at Gail before closing the door. "I'll be right back."

Oliver turned to Gail and gave a huge smile. She smirked at her friend, knowing he'd been drinking. It wasn't that he wasn't always rather friendly and welcoming, but she'd seen him drunk enough times to know that he'd been drinking tonight.

"Did you buy those at the Penny?" Gail motioned to crap he was setting down on the counter next to the bathroom door.

"Ha. Ha. No, I got them from the store down the street from the Penny." Oliver clapped his hands together and plopped down in the seat next to the bed. "So, I see that one Doctor Stewart was here. Everything all right there?"

"We're talking again, which is nice," said Gail, picking at her blanket.

"That's excellent! Oh man…" Oliver had just noticed Gail's arm. "You okay there, littlest Peck?"

"Yeah. I mean, it hurts, and they won't give me anything obviously," said Gail. "But I mean, I don't even remember anything that happened really. Bits and pieces are starting to come back. Like, I remember punching the mirror now. I don't know. Maybe the less my head hurts, the more I'll remember."

Oliver nodded as the door opened and Dr. Torres returned. She smiled at Oliver before moving to the bedside and soon after Gail's arm was quickly if not painfully fixed up. Before moving to leave she put a roll of fresh bandages down on the table next to Gail.

"Holly can rewrap it for you when she gets back," said Dr. Torres. "Call Kyle if you need anything."

"Awww. Did Holly get one of her friends to take care of you?" asked Oliver once the door was closed. "That girl. She's pretty special."

Gail smiled at that.

"Sorry, I lost Izzy the other day," said Gail to her blanket. "I was so distracted being around Holly and I sort of snapped at her."

"I think we were all a little out of it that day," said Oliver. Her reached over and patted Gail on the arm lightly. "But don't worry too much about it. Everything turned out okay. No big deal."

"Still really sorry though," reiterated Gail.

"I know you are, kiddo." He offered her a smile. Then he turned to the television and started flipping through the channels, stopping on one randomly. "Hey! I like this movie. Oh, I snuck you a little present. But shhhhh don't tell anyone."

Oliver pulled a small bag of cheese puffs out of his jacket and tossed them to Gail. Then they sat and watched the movie, just enjoying each other's company. A few minutes into the movie Gail got a text from her father saying he'd be there in the morning to check on her because despite his protests, he couldn't get out of work that night without going into specifics of Gail's condition. Shockingly enough, Gail didn't mind. Unlike her relationship with her mother, her relationship with her father wasn't as strained and based on as much mistrust.

She couldn't quite place her finger on it but Gail felt like a lot of weight had been lifted from her shoulders that day. It was comforting enough that she drifted off to sleep with Oliver next to her, laughing his head off at the movie.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Short chapter is short. Sorry. Stinking family expecting me to be social and crap. :P

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><p><em>Gail took a mouthful of whiskey and popped a motrin in her mouth as a chaser. She knew with the amount she had to drink that night that a headache was on the way and she wanted to head it off even if people usually told you not to take anything with alcohol. Pulling out her phone she started to look through the pictures, drunkenly smiling at the silly faces Sophie liked to make and the not-so-secret pictures she liked to take of Holly and her.<em>

_Another mouthful of alcohol to wash away her feelings and a quick text to Dov telling him to bring home orange juice in the morning._

_She slumped down in the bed and stared at the closed door to her room. Everything sucked and she had no idea how to even go about trying to fix it. Her phone started to ring. She looked down to see her mother calling and pushed the phone away from herself._

_Everything was blurring but she couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the tears welling up in her eyes. Sighing heavily she pushed herself off the bed and headed into the bathroom, stumbling into every wall on the way to it._

"_I should probably stop drinking." Gail slurred to herself as she drowned another mouthful of whiskey and giggled. Almost tripping into the bathroom, Gail looked at her face in the mirror. Eyeliner ran down her cheeks and the bags under her eyes looked terrible. "Mmmm. Sexy."_

_Another laugh, another mouthful. She closed her eyes and stood there swaying to the imaginary music in her head, humming along to nothing. Everything in her head swirled around her. Sophie, Holly, Izzy, Oliver, her parents, Steve, Traci, Jerry…then he was there in her mind…Perik's stupid smug smiling face. That face telling her she wasn't first choice._

_Gail's brow furrowed as she heard a clicking noise in the distance slowly grow louder. She suddenly snapped her eyes open and there was Perik. His stupid ugly smug face taking up the mirror in front of her. Before she could even stop to think about what she was seeing, or rather not seeing, Gail had slammed her fist into the mirror with every ounce of strength she had. The glass fell down onto her arm and headed to the floor as her arm went through into the medicine cabinet._

"_FUCK!" shouted Gail. She looked down at the blood running down her arm and started to panic. Looking around at all the blood and glass on the floor, she tried to figure out what to do through the drunken haze._

"_Um…okay, let's put this down," slurred the blonde as she put the bottle down on the sink. "Okay. Good job. Towel. I need a towel now."_

_Without moving her feet, she grabbed Chris' towel off the rack. But before putting it on her arm she stopped and thought better of it._

"_Gross. He'll probably infect me with something. They'll have to amputate." She threw it down on the toilet. "Fuck this hurts."_

_She reached her uninjured arm carefully into the now exposed medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Percocet she left in there after the chemical burn incident. Popping the bottle open with her mouth she downed the two pills left in the bottle and tossed it on the ground. Looking around for something to push against her arm she found nothing and decided to hold it against her chest until she could. Then she doubled over in stomach pain._

"_Oh come on. Please no vomiting. Not right now."_

_Another moment of drunkenly looking around for something._

"_Phone. I need my phone." The room was spinning, she was starting to feel incredible sleepy._

_Before Gail could think any further she was falling onto the ground with the glass and blood. Her head smashed into the toilet on the way down and she was out cold._

Gail snapped awake with a start, looking around. She half expected to be on the ground in her bathroom, surrounded by glass and blood. But she wasn't. The hum of the machines met her ears and through the dim light of the television screen she could see the outlines of the furniture in her hospital room. She grabbed her head with her freshly bandaged injured hand and sighed.

"If that's seriously what happened, then that's fucking stupid," whispered Gail to herself.

"What's stupid?" Holly's voice hit her from the dark couch and she looked over, seeing the form of the other woman sitting up and watching her.

"Oh, hi."

"Hi," chuckled Holly. "Told you I'd be back. You fell asleep so I turned off the light and put on some documentary. So, what's stupid?"

"I just," started Gail, not sure how to explain what she had just woken up to. "I remembered what happened and I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was just so drunk that it looked like I was."

"Please explain," asked Holly, sounding a little confused.

"Only if you come sit in the bed with me," replied Gail, scooting over and patting the space between herself and the bed's railing. Now that her eyes had adjusted to the dark she could see the skeptical look on Holly's face. Gail shook her head. "I'm not trying anything. There were…Perik…thoughts. I need Holly the friend. Not Holly the sexy librarian."

Without a second thought, Holly got up and moved into the open space on the bed at the mention of Perik. Gail leaned her head against Holly's shoulder, taking in the scent she had missed so much over the last few weeks. She noticed that Holly was wearing a simple tee shirt and a pair of sweat pants and looking over at the couch she saw the comforter Holly had brought back with her spread out. It hadn't even registered to Gail that Holly coming back meant she was basically saying she was going to be staying with her all night. Gail let herself smile warmly into the dark.

It was calming to have Holly back around her, even if they weren't actually together. Holly was her friend first and was always comforting and inviting when it came to Gail opening up about anything. Which she needed as she went into the explanation of what happened the other night.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: I like using Holly for filler. Sue me. :P

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><p>Infomercials had begun playing an hour after Gail had fallen asleep but Holly couldn't bring herself to move to get the remote from the couch. Instead she was watching some guy loudly proclaim the wonders of some miracle new diet. She had stayed in the bed with Gail even when the blonde finished her story and they had stayed up a little longer just silently watching the documentary on medical apartheid. Now the blonde was half curled up against her side, breathing steadily and murmuring occasionally.<p>

It was nice being next to Gail again. It was even nicer talking to her. She would be lying if she said she wasn't still a little pissed off about being ignored. However, after hearing Traci and Steve talk about some of the things going on with Gail at work the anger and hurt had slowly been dissipating. Gail had apparently been going on a roller coaster of emotional disaster since that night at the bar.

It wasn't like Holly's time had been any easier but sometimes when someone hurts you, you tend to forget that life keep happening around both of you. Things happen that have nothing to do with your relationship. So, when Gail hadn't answered any of Holly's calls she had went on a date with someone Lisa had been trying to set her up with. The date actually went rather well, all things considered, and almost led to a walk of shame but Holly couldn't go any further than an adolescent make out session without dying from guilt. She didn't feel like leaving the morgue to try and figure out that COD.

The text message tone rang from her phone and she quickly pulled it out of her pocket to silence it.

"So?" It was Rachel.

"So, what?" Holly had a good idea that Rachel was talking about her being in the hospital with Gail but she didn't want to jump to the conclusion that Marie had told her. Right conclusion or not, still felt rude.

"You weren't at work today," texted Rachel.

"Nope," replied Holly.

"And you canceled your date."

"Yep."

"Really. Just one word answers? Rude."

Holly glanced over to see Gail's eyes were still closed and her breathing was as steady as when she first fell asleep. She didn't want to wake her up with her texting but Holly couldn't sleep so texting Rachel sounded like a better distraction than getting mad at infomercials.

"How is she?" Rachel asked. She must have been growing impatient with her own teasing.

"She's fine. Finally remembered what happened. She was so drunk that a bunch of accidents turned into something resembling suicide. I would be skeptical if it was anyone but Gail. She's pretty uncoordinated when she's sober. When she's drunk it's amazing she even knows how to walk."

"Meet?"

"Can't. She's sleeping."

"How does that stop you from leaving the room, brainiac?"

"Can't."

"Holly…"

"She fell asleep on me! 100% not my fault."

"Knowing you, you probably have to pee too."

"Oh my god. So bad."

"Whipped. W. H. I. P. P. E. D. Pretty sure you should still be mad at her though. Remember that time she ignored you for two weeks? I know it's probably really hard to think straight with a pretty blonde pressed against your side…but come on Holly."

"I know. Ugh. I want to be so mad at her, Rach. So mad."

"But you can't."

"She can be so stupid but then she admits she was stupid and I just…Rachel. Help."

"I dunno. You don't really look like you need much help from here."

Holly looked up and noticed the door cracked open and Rachel leaning against the doorway, smiling at her. Somehow she hadn't noticed the door open because the lights in the hallway had been turned down. With much reservation, Holly slowly moved a pillow into her spot on the bed. Gail's eyes fluttered for a second and Holly leaned down, her mouth next to the blonde's ear.

"I'll be right back."

"Mmmmk," mumbled Gail, rolling onto her side and hugging the pillow. Holly quickly ran her fingers through Gail's choppy hair and quietly headed to the hallway.

When she'd silently closed the door and turned she rolled her eyes at Rachel who was smiling and leaning against the wall across from the door. Holly leaned against the door jam and shook her head.

"Shut up."

"You two are so ridiculously cute. You look like a couple of love sick teenagers," laughed Rachel. Holly just glared at her. "I can't tell if you're angry or if you just need your glasses."

"So, what's up?" asked Holly. Rachel being at the hospital wasn't out of the ordinary but Marie must have told her where Holly was for her to be there checking up on her.

"Nothing. Just wanted to see how you were doing. And if she was okay," said Rachel, gesturing to the door at the mention of Gail. "She might have left my best friend looking like a kicked puppy, but I was kind of hoping you two would work it out so I'm glad it's nothing serious."

"You were hoping we'd work out?" asked Holly, incredibly skeptical. "And you didn't mention this before because…?"

"Did you miss it when I said you looked like a kicked puppy?" Holly rolled her eyes. "I like Gail. She's funny in a really awkward way and the way she was looking at you…wow. I would kill for a guy to look at me like that. I'm not telling you to go diving head first back between those pale legs…"

"Wow. Just wow, Rachel," laughed Holly.

"…but, I don't know. If she's so willing to admit she messed up, seems like she's willing to try." Rachel paused before smiling. "Just tell her she has to make it up to you. Lots of dates to the batting cages. And just ignore anything Lisa says. You know her, always telling us we can do better than anyone making less than 6 figures."

After Holly finished laughing at the thought of Gail in the batting cages again, the conversation then turned to work and the guy Rachel had went out with the other night. The two women stood in the hallway for a few minutes, talking and laughing as low as they could for the respect of the other patients. As Rachel pulled her coat back on to get ready to leave, Holly saw Epstein round the corner and stop when he saw the two women.

"Dr. Stewart. Hi," stammered Dov.

"I think this makes it the fourth time I've told you to just call me Holly," said Holly with a smile.

"Holly." Dov awkwardly looked between the two women and then at the door behind Holly.

"Dov, this is my friend Rachel." Dov nodded and shook the other woman's hand quickly before stuffing it back in his pocket. When Dov's eyes shifted to the hospital door again, Holly quickly let Dov in on the situation with what actually happened. A sigh of relief passed his lips and his body language seemed much less tense.

"Can I see her?"

"She's sleeping. But if you want to wake the sleeping dragon, be my guest," said Holly, moving to the side and holding her arm out to the door.

"Yeah no. Thanks. Last time I did that she socked me in the crotch so hard I was running funny all day," said Dov quickly. His eyes quickly scanned Holly's clothes. "Um…can you tell her I stopped by? Tell her to text me when she's up? Chris and Chloe really want to come see her too."

"Absolutely." Holly shot Dov the kindest smile she could muster. With a small wave he was back around the corner and his boots echoed in the distance. Rachel also said her goodbyes and left Holly to sneak back into the dark room to quickly use the bathroom before heading over to the bed.

Gail was in the bed, wrapped up around a pillow. Holly smiled and just watched her for a moment. Then she walked over and kissed Gail on the forehead. The blonde stirred and sighed heavily, indicating she was slightly awake. At least enough to hear Holly speak to her.

"I'll be on the couch if you need me," said Holly.

"No. Bed." Gail pulled lightly at Holly's shirt. The brunette smiled and shook her head. This woman was going to be the end of her. Here she was climbing into bed with Gail, the woman she was completely pissed off at a little more than a day ago. She sighed and replaced the pillow. She reached over Gail and pushed the button to lay the bed down a little more and wrapped her arms around the blonde. Gail snuggled into the other woman's arms and rested her head against her collar bone. Holly closed her eyes and tried to focus on the sound of Gail's breathing and the hum of the machines instead of the pounding of her own heart and her racing thoughts.

Gail mumbled something against Holly's clavicle but it was so muffled she had missed it.

"What?" asked Holly, glancing down at the blonde.

"Wanna go on a date to the batting cages?" muttered Gail, slightly louder. Holly almost choked on her own laughter.

"Ask again when your hand is healed," said Holly.

As Gail fell back asleep, Holly sat there with a goofy grin on her face. She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not with all the thoughts racing through the speedway in her mind. Glancing up at the television on the wall, Holly huffed. She had forgotten to grab the remote before lying down.


	8. Chapter 8

Note: So much support. I love you all. I like to think Bill is the more supportive parent (Gail needs one of those, right? RIGHT!?).

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><p>Gail could hear the scratching of a pen on paper and slowly opened her eyes. Holly was still in the bed with her but was scribbling numbers into a chart. As Gail worked on focusing and waking her brain up, she realized it was her own medical chart and that Holly was filling it in with numbers from her phone. She closed her eyes shut against the sunlight coming from the window and cuddled further into Holly's side, turning her face so it was squished in the space between the brunette's arm and the mattress. She felt Holly laugh.<p>

"Good morning," said Holly in her usual chipper 'morning person' way. If Gail could pick one thing she didn't like about Holly, this was probably the only thing. And she really didn't even dislike it much. She just told herself she did and behaved accordingly. "I talked to Dr. Mettle this morning. Then your mother called to tell you about how the reports were 'being updated to reflect the recent information'. Oh, and Traci stopped by to say hello but didn't want to wake you up. Something about you throwing an alarm clock at her the last time."

"So many words. Shhhh. Sleep." Gail reached up and put her hand over Holly's face. Even though she was knocking her glassed askew and getting smudges all over them, Holly was laughing and that was all that matter to either of them.

"Okay, grumpy. Sleep," said Holly, pulling her glasses off to clean them. "Just so you know, I'll be leaving for work in an hour or so."

"No." Gail wrapped her free arm around Holly's torso, keeping her injured arm propped up between them.

"Yes." One of Holly's hands dropped to meet Gail's and for a moment the blonde thought Holly was about to move her arm and get out of the bed, away from her. To her pleasant surprise, Holly just rested her hand over her own and traced Gail's knuckles with a finger. "There are autopsies just waiting for me to arrive. And then all that fun paperwork I would be missing out on if I stayed here with you."

"I'm way more fun than paperwork," mumbled Gail. "Dunno about autopsies…"

"You have your moments." Holly went back to filling out Gail's chart.

"Whaz the prognosis, doc? Am I dying?"

"Keep drinking the way you do and I would be inclined to agree with that statement," sighed Holly. "You had alcohol poisoning. It's why you passed out. And you had trouble remembering anything right away because despite them pumping your stomach you were still drunk."

Gail slowly realized she was being scolded and she was close to being upset about it but even in her sleepy haze she knew she didn't actually care. Holly cold berate Gail all day for the rest of their lives and she would be happy just to know the other woman was still there and still caring enough to be upset with her.

"Sorry." Gail could hear Holly stop writing and felt the brunette shift slightly. She was probably looking over at her.

"Okay. I wasn't expecting that. Are you okay?"

Gail rolled onto her back and sat up. She ran her uninjured fingers through her hair and sighed. Apologizing wasn't a strong suit of Gail Peck's so she should have expected it to throw Holly off. Slowly and carefully she managed to turn herself to face Holly on the bed. It involved, pulling Holly's legs over her own but she still managed it. The previous night, Gail had gotten up to go to the bathroom and ended up overhearing Holly talking to Rachel and it had made her think about a lot of things, until she passed back out anyways. So, here she was, staring into questioning brown eyes, doing something very new to Gail Peck.

"Holly, I'm sorry. Not just for being an idiot and drinking too much and ending up here but also for just being stupid in general," started Gail. "For walking out on you. For being difficult. I told you before we even became friends that I am terrible at relationships. And I am. I let a few lingering insecurities being voiced by a woman with terrible breasts send me running for the hills. And I let my pride stop me from hitting dial every time I stared at your contact info in my phone."

Holly cracked a small smile at the comment about Lisa but just remained quiet. Sudden movements and loud noises could very well send Gail running for the hills.

"What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry." Holly nodded and smiled. "I mean…not just I'm sorry but also, I'd really, really like that second chance. And I want to try with you. Try to be better, I mean. I don't want to ever hurt you again."

What Gail didn't expect after her long admission of feelings was for Holly to roll her eyes but there she was, doing just that. Gail furrowed her brow slightly before realizing that even though she was rolling her eyes she was still smiling. Before the blonde had a chance to say anything about this seemingly rude gesture, she found herself being pulled by the front of her hospital gown into a soft, loving kiss. After a moment, Holly sat back and dropped her hand. Gail just stayed in place, eyes still closed, with a goofy smile on her face.

"So, that's a no then?" asked Gail jokingly.

The sound of someone clearing their throat near the door made Gail jump out of her skin and turn quickly. There in the doorway, with his hand on the doorknob and a smirk visible under his facial hair, was Gail's father, William Peck. Holly calmly moved from the bed and picked up her coat from the couch. Gail saw that all of the stuff she had brought over the previous night was folded neatly in the corner of the couch. With a slight smile playing at her lips, Holly walked behind the inspector and dropped Gail's chart in the holder near the door.

"I need coffee before my shift. Can I get anything for either of you?" Gail marveled at how well Holly was handling this because she had shown her pictures of her father. They both knew exactly who this was and Gail was mortified. She quickly threw herself back against the mattress and pulled the blanket up to her chest while slumping down.

"No thank you, Ms…?"

"Doctor Holly Stewart," said Holly, shaking the man's hand firmly. "Just call me Holly."

"Well, then. No thank you, Holly," said Bill with a smile.

With that, Holly was out the door and Gail was trying her best to look sad and pathetic in the bed. It wasn't that Gail hadn't planned on coming out to her parents and telling them about Holly so much as she just didn't want to tell them about Holly. Hell, Gail actually found pleasure in thinking about the possibility of killing her mother with the news of her new found appreciation of women. But Holly was hers and her parents had a way of making her significant others hate life. Well, mostly her mother, but her father didn't exactly pull the reigns back on Elaine Peck.

"Bed side manner sure has changed since the last time I was in the hospital," joked Bill as he moved to sit in the chair next to the bed. "I wish half of the pretty doctors who attended me had wanted to kiss."

"She doesn't work here. She's the forensic pathologist down at the morgue," groaned Gail and she threw her head back against the mattress hoping that somehow the soft material would give her a concussion.

"How are you doing kiddo? Your mother told me about what happened." Gail was thankful for the change in subject.

"I'm fine. My hand hurts. So does my head but I'm alive. So, there's that." Bill nodded as his eyes looked over her injuries. "Holly told me to cut back on the alcohol."

"I like her already." Gail rolled her eyes but smiled. She dropped her head and stared at her hands in her lap. Now was probably a good a time as any.

"I like her too," said Gail, barely above a whisper. She looked up slightly to see her dad smiling at her.

"You should bring her for dinner then. I think Ms. Nash is starting to grow tired of your mother's questions." Her father stood up, fixing his crisp white shirt and then moving closer to the bed. "And from the sounds of it, this Holly has already impressed your mother in regards to all of this. Now, sadly I could only stop by for a moment. I have to get back to work but I'm really glad to see that you're okay Gail."

Bill headed to the door and stepped out into the hall with a wave goodbye. Gail just watched him leave and wondered when the bumbling fools that were her coworkers would be tumbling through the door to see her. She looked around for her phone before finding it wrapped up in her bed sheets. As she sent replies to the missed messages from Dov and Chris, there was a knock on the door followed by Holly holding two travel cups from the café down the street.

"Did you bring me coffee?" asked Gail excitedly.

"Nope." Holly handed her the second warm cup. "Hot chocolate."

Gail pouted at the container in her hands but took a sip and practically moaned. "Liar."

"I like to think of it as creative concealment," replied Holly, sitting on the edge of the bed, propping a leg up on it to face Gail. "How'd it go with your dad?"

"Good. Although you have now been invited to a Peck family dinner and there is no saying no to them. You merely schedule a date," sighed Gail as she placed her coffee down on the bedside table. She tooks this opportunity to fiddle with the fabric of Holly's jeans, just wanting a reason to touch the other woman again. "So, doctor, how much longer do I have to stay here since I'm no longer on suicide watch?"

"Actually, you get to leave tonight. I figured I'd come by after work, help you get signed out, and drop you off at your place. Although you could have a concussion…" Holly reached up and lightly touched the bump on Gail's forehead. Gail flinched and knocked her hand away. "But we can talk more about that later. I have to get going. I will try to…"

Gail pulled Holly into her by her jacket's collar. The kiss was rough and awkward at first but only because Holly was trying to not spill her coffee all over them both. Quickly depositing her cup next to its twin, Holly scooted closer to Gail and moved her hands to run through her short blonde hair. Gail had missed kissing Holly so much that she couldn't just spend all day away from her without something to think about and with the way Holly was kissing back, she figured the feeling was mutual.

"I really do have to go to work," said Holly, practically breathing the words against Gail's lips. "And we still need to talk."

"So, go." Gail nipped at Holly's bottom lip getting a soft moan in reply.

"I'll come by for lunch." Their eyes met and Gail smirked. Holly shoved the blonde back into the mattress and got up from the bed. "Lunch involving actual food. Someone owes me about two weeks' worth of dates before they get to make those jokes again."

Gail kept smiling even when the door shut behind Holly. The fact that she was getting a second chance was already good enough news but knowing she'd also be able to go home was just icing on the cake.

"Shit," thought Gail. "Now I want cake. I should tell Holly to bring me cake for lunch."


	9. Chapter 9

Note: I'm a terrible person and totally haven't proof read this. I want a nap though. This morning has just been so stressful. As always, thank you for the love and support. I very much appreciate it.

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><p>Holly walked into the morgue and took a cursory glance at the body on the slab. Rodney had mentioned the new case when she had called him this morning to see what was waiting for her. Male, late 60s by first glance though she figured she could be wrong since half his face was missing. Gunshot wound, she noted. She picked up the forms on her desk and looked over them. He was 67. Rodney walked into the room and stopped at the edge of her desk.<p>

"Okay, what's so special about this guy? You did the autopsy right?"

"Yes, Dr. Stewart. However, the police are pushing for you to redo it. Apparently they weren't pleased with my results. I told them I would talk to you about it and get back to them."

Holly sat in her chair and read over the report. Retired police sergeant. Cause of death ruled suicide, GWS to the head. Air caught in Holly's throat but she forced the feeling down. She looked over Rodney's work and was actually really pleased with it. She honestly couldn't find anything out of the ordinary that would make her want to redo the autopsy. Yet, Holly found herself staring at the name and wondering about whether he had family. This was something Holly never let herself do while at work but there she was, breaking her number one rule. It was always more painful when you thought about the person behind the facts.

"Who was the officer requesting it be redone?" Holly finally found her voice again.

"Um…" Rodney pointed to a name on one of the forms. "Superintendent Peck."

"Hmm. Okay. I'll take care of this." Holly forced a smile and Rodney returned one before heading out of the lab.

Leaning back in her chair, Holly pulled out her phone and turned the ringer on since it was usually on silent while she was at work. Something told her the superintendent would be calling her soon. A text notice blinked up at her but it was from Gail.

Gail: Bring cake for lunch please. :)

Holly smiled and sent Gail a confirmation before setting the phone back down on her desk and waiting. As she sat looking over the body on her table, the doors opened and Chris Diaz walked in. He was dressed in uniform so he was obviously on the job.

"Officer Diaz, while I understand we have a certain familiarity between us, knocking is still pretty awesome."

"Oh, sorry Holly…I mean Dr. Stewart." Diaz shuffled his feet and looked around rather nervously. Was he always this twitchy? Holly couldn't remember. "Rodney was just in here a second ago and I was asking him about some test results when I got a call I had to take."

"Well, I'm waiting for a call, so what do you need?"

"Oh, um. The results on the Hamilton case. Uh," stammered Diaz as he checked his notebook. "It was a DNA test."

"Yep. I got a message last night. It should be in my office." Holly got up and headed out the doors, beckoning Diaz to follow her. "This way."

Unlocking the door to her office, she held it open for Diaz to step inside before following and flipping the light switch on. Aside from the stuff added to her desk in the past 24 hours, the office was immaculately kept and Diaz stood awkwardly next to a filing cabinet while Holly sat down and started looking through the files for the right case. Normally she didn't let officers into her office. Well, except for Gail…the one time. But the brunette wasn't about to let Officer Diaz straddle her.

"How's Gail?" Diaz finally asked. It was the reason she figured she'd invite him in to her space.

"She's good. Getting out today. I'm picking her up after work," said Holly as she automatically sorted the files as she went searching through them.

"So? What? You two are together again?" Diaz's tone seemed slightly annoyed at that idea. Holly chose to ignore the question. Whatever was going on between Holly and Gail was for them to figure out, no one. It was the meddling of others that had thrown them off in the first place.

Holly found the Hamilton file and stood up holding it out to the officer. She studied his face while she took hold of it. He looked tired, on edge, and ragged. Hoping he would leave after getting the file had apparently been too much as he continued to stand there. The way he looked at her put her on edge slightly. He looked pissed off.

"What are you doing with her?" Holly wasn't expecting that nor did she have any answer to it. She stayed silent and merely crossed her arms over her chest. "Like, even if this whole gay thing isn't just Gail being Gail, what exactly do you get out of it? I'd like my friend back and ever since she's met you she's been weird. Not to mention the fact that she's a Peck. She can literally have anyone. Why would she want to be with some chick who works with dead bodies all…"

"When was the last time you got high, Chris?" The officer stumbled back and hit the filing cabinet, turning quickly to make sure he didn't knock anything off of it.

"What?"

"I said, when was the last time you got high? Because from your twitching, the sweating in a cold environment, and your pleasant attitude, I would say you've already hit withdrawal." Holly probably sounded a little harsher than she meant to but she didn't like status being brought up again in relation to her and Gail. And Diaz was obviously going through his own shit and was just taking it out on those around him. "So, how about you take your file, tell your dealer not to call you at work, and go figure out your own life before trying to dictate how Gail or I should live ours?"

Diaz left her office in a silent huff and Holly sat back in her chair and leaned her head back. She pulled her phone out of her lab coat and dialed Gail.

"Wow, doctor. Not even two hours and you already miss me," laughed Gail.

"Just not a good morning so far. How's yours?"

"Boring. Nothing interesting is on TV and Mettle and Becky keep bugging me about how happy they are I'm getting out. Dov said he and Chloe will be by in a bit. Andy and Nick will probably follow them thinking they're sneaky."

"Whatever. You won't mind," said Holly with a smile.

"Will too. They take up too much space and they're super awkward around each other now and it's annoying." When Holly didn't say anything, she could swear she actually heard Gail frown and that just wasn't possible. "Holl, you okay?"

"Yeah. No. I don't know." Holly paused for a moment. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I'm glad you're finally catching on, Lunchbox."

"What did I tell you about that not being a good pet name?" Holly laughed and started swinging herself back and forth in the chair while staring at the ceiling. It was like it was before. Gail making Holly smile at the stupidest things at just the right moments.

"And what did I tell you about me not caring?" Another pause. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm not. But I'll tell you about it later. I just need you to distract me for a minute."

"You're using me!? I knew it," laughed Gail. Holly didn't think she could smile any wider. "Oh! Guess what!"

"What?" Gail was acting like a little kid with a secret. The blonde's childish antics could be annoying at time but for the most part it just made Holly love her more. A feeling she had yet to share with anyone, let alone the woman she felt it for.

"Pain killers! Can I just tell you how nice it is to NOT feel my hand? It's pretty great, Holly."

"Oh god. Babysitting you on pain killers again…how joyous for me." Not that Holly wanted to assume that Gail would be staying with her that night but she sort of hoped the blonde would ask. Or maybe she should offer. Or just sit quietly and say nothing in fear of scaring Gail away. That was usually the option she picked and she really had to stop that. Not if she actually wanted to make it work with Gail.

"Hush. It's just Percocet. They wouldn't give me the good stuff," huffed Gail. Holly could perfectly picture the pout in her head. Then another call going off on her phone brought her back to where she was. She quickly glanced at the phone to make sure it was Elaine Peck before talking to Gail again.

"Thanks for being such a good distraction. I have to go now. I'll see you at lunch." Holly didn't want to get off the phone but she knew she had to.

"Cake! Don't forget cake," added Gail quickly.

"I won't forget the cake."

Holly hung up the call with Gail and quickly switched to the other Peck. She inhaled deeply and let it go, readying herself for what was going to be a long morning.


	10. Chapter 10

Note: Was originally going to be longer. Decided to break the chapter up so I can get something posted and stop feeling so bad for not updating. It will go into more of an explanation about what's going on with Holly and Elaine.

Also, all I can find online in reference to that awesome therapist I love is the "In Session" videos where the therapist SAYS her name so I'm totally guessing at the spelling.

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><p>When Holly showed up for lunch, Chloe was still hanging out with Gail. Dov had left earlier that morning after an intense call from Chris and said he'd be back later. Chloe was spread out on the couch and flipping through the channels while Gail was playing on her Nintendo 3DS. Gail looked up when Holly arrived and smiled before trying to hide her excitement under her usual bored expression.<p>

"Nope, Gail. I totally already saw that smile," said Chloe, pointing at her from the couch. Gail glared over at her while Holly pushed at Gail's arm telling her to scoot over on the bed. Chloe hopped up onto the end of the bed and looked excitedly between the two women.

"Can I help you, Price." Gail was still glaring at her for calling her out. She kicked at her under the blankets. It was pretty much mandatory for her to kick whoever sat at the end of her bed.

"Holly brought me lunch," said Chloe as Holly handed a bag over to her. Gail looked from Chloe to Holly, confused. "Thanks."

"Dov stopped by to talk to me and I asked for her number so I could get her something to eat," said Holly without even looking over at Gail. She said everything like she was just so used to Gail's inquisitive jealousy that it didn't even faze her anymore. This made Gail narrow her eyes at the brunette.

Holly handed Gail a turkey sandwich with a big "no tomatoes" sticker on it and smiled.

"So, my birthday is tomorrow," said Chloe as if they'd all been in the middle of a conversation already. "I mean, I'm not saying this because I want anything from either of you, I'm just pretty excited. Like, Dov's been kind of distant lately but I'm really hoping we'll do something. Anything really…"

"I'm sure it will be great," said Holly. Gail saw something flicker across Holly's face that said otherwise though but she just pushed it to the back of her mind for later. "And happy early birthday. How old are you going to be? 19?"

"Ha. Ha. No." Chloe laughed and took a bite of her own sandwich.

Most of lunch was spent listening to Chloe talk about…well, almost everything. Gail was always amazed at how many words Chloe could get out of her mouth so quickly. Holly engaged her more than she did and Gail could tell it was more out of Holly's polite nature than out of actual interest. Something was eating at Holly and Gail could see it, even if she couldn't see what it was. At some point after they had all finished eating, Chloe was finally excusing herself saying she had to get ready to go on shift.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Gail," said Chloe after hugging the blonde. "I know we're not super close because you think I'm really annoying but, yeah, I'm really glad you're okay. Can't wait to see you back at work. Thanks again for lunch, Holly. I owe you."

Before Holly could open her mouth to say something, Chloe was gone and down the hallway. Gail had already become used to the eternal mystery that was Chloe Price but she knew Holly had never really been around her before and it was funny watching the doctor try to figure out the energizer bunny that was the red head.

"I'm a doctor and I'm fairly certain that woman doesn't breathe when she talks," said Holly, shaking her head and leaning back on the bed and closing her eyes.

Gail turned to lie on her side and just watched Holly for a few minutes until she saw Holly's mouth part slightly and her breathing even out. She had fallen asleep. Gail smirked and reached over to pull Holly's glasses off before setting them on the table next to her. Then she reached over into the brunette's jacket pocket and pulled out her phone. Even after breaking up, Holly's phone password was still Gail's epaulette number. She quickly texted Rodney that the doctor had passed out and then rested the phone next to Holly's glasses.

It occurred to her that she just used Holly's phone without even snooping and this made Gail furrow her brow in confusion. Gail knew she was a jealous person and she had constantly gone through Chris and Nick's phones wondering whom they were talking to. Yet here she was with full access to a phone she just knew was full of talk about her and she hadn't even thought to do it. Well, until she was thinking about how weird it was that she didn't want to.

And that made her remember the thing she had decided to do earlier but hadn't gotten the chance to do when Dov and Chloe showed up. Gail pulled her own phone off the table and dialed the one number she hated having saved.

"Good morning," said the voice on the phone. "Lena Dwyer speaking."

"I need to make an appointment," said Gail.

"Okay," said Dwyer. "May I ask who this is?"

"I'd hope you would," said Gail with a smirk. "Otherwise, how would you know who's showing up for the appointment?"

"Ah. Ms. Peck."

"I choose to take it as a compliment that you remember me."

"Good, I wouldn't have it any other way." Gail smiled. Lena Dwyer was definitely not the worst therapist she had ever seen. "When would you like to schedule an appointment?"

"When's your next available one?" Gail tried to keep her voice low so she wouldn't wake up Holly who was still soundly sleeping next to her.

"Tomorrow at 4pm," replied Dwyer.

"Done," said Gail before hanging up abruptly and putting her phone back down on the table.

Holly snuggled into Gail slightly and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. Gail wondered why she was so tired and looked down to Holly's hands to see they were in need of moisturizer which meant that she had been wearing gloves all morning and that meant she had been busy. Earlier on the phone, Holly had said that she would talk to Gail later about why she had been having a rough morning but that would probably have to wait until even later since Holly was probably already sleeping well passed her lunch hour. While, the pathologist could actually get away with setting her own lunch times, Gail knew the nerd would actually hate to know she was asleep right now. But Gail just couldn't wake her.

Moving carefully, Gail got the remote from the couch and settled back down into the bed. She flipped the channel to some family channel movie marathon and snuggled back into Holly, setting the alarm on the brunette's phone for an hour away.


	11. Chapter 11

Note: Serious talking is serious. And oh my god it feels good to be able to write this fic again. It's so hard to write serious stuff while surrounded by kids and family.

I love all the reviews. Thank you thank you.

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><p>When Holly finally woke up to the alarm that Gail had set, the brunette actually wasn't upset that she had fallen asleep at all. When Gail inquired as to why, Holly told her that she had taken the rest of the day off after she finished the one autopsy. Holly Stewart was actually using a sick day. Gail stared at her in amazement while the brunette just shrugged her off.<p>

"Wait, you texted Rodney for me?" asked Holly, while going through a couple of missed messages.

"I promise on cheese puffs that I didn't look through anything. I just didn't want you to get in trouble or something," said Gail, holding a hand over her heart.

"Oh, I was just going to say that was sweet of you, but good to know," laughed Holly. "You'd see all the text messages of me telling Lisa to shut it and Rachel asking if I've talked to you."

Gail turned and watched Holly go through her messages. It always amazed her how honest Holly was about everything. Maybe that's why she never felt the urge to snoop. She never felt like Holly was hiding anything. Suddenly Holly's phone was being pointed at her and she was looking at a picture of a young woman holding up a certificate and waving at the camera.

"And my niece won a scholarship," explained Holly. Gail smiled. "My life is not that exciting."

"So, since you have the rest of the day off does that mean I get to leave sooner?" Gail was ready to be out of the hospital. Ever since the Perik thing she hated them and the Ford incident didn't help. Holly smiled and nodded.

A few hours later, Gail was standing outside the hospital and breathing in the disgusting city air with a smile. Holly drove them to Gail's apartment and helped her take her bag to her room. When Gail looked around the empty apartment, the now mirror-less bathroom, and her messy room she sighed.

"This is probably a really bad thing to ask, with everything that's happened…"

"You can stay at my place, Gail." Holly smiled at her and then helped her pack a bag. The only thing form the hospital that Gail took with her was the bottle of Percocet they gave her. Everything else she just threw on her bed. Then she wrote a big note about staying at Holly's and left it on the fridge for the boys. Before they left though, Gail turned back and Holly followed, curious as to what Gail could have forgotten.

In Gail's room, she pulled out a couple half empty bottles of alcohol from the various places around her room and tossed them onto the bed. Holly watched her carefully.

"Help me dump these," said Gail, not actually looking at Holly as she spoke. If she had looked up though, she would have seen the proud look that Holly was giving her. They carried the empty bottles with them to the trash bins and dumped them. Holly probably would have insisted on recycling them if it weren't for the current situation.

At Holly's house they just quietly watched some television for a while. Then Gail told Holly about Sophie and about how she was pretty sure something weird was going on with Chris, which Holly reluctantly confirmed. Gail got a few calls that evening. First Dov making sure she was okay, then Chris apologizing for not seeing her, then Traci, Nick, Andy, Chloe, Oliver, and Steve. It was a very weird feeling, having all these people express caring feelings for Gail when normally she just assumed they all hated her for being such a bitch all the time. During her last call with Steve, Holly ordered some Chinese food for dinner, handed Gail a pill and a glass of water, and then headed upstairs to take a shower.

Holly was still in the shower when the Chinese food arrived which was rather strange. Gail shoved it all in the microwave so it would stay warm and headed up the stairs to check on the doctor. Holly was not the type of person who took long showers, something about "wasting water" or some other environmental nonsense. Gail stopped at the bathroom door and hesitated before knocking. There was no answer but she figured it had something to do with Imogen Heap playing quite loudly. Cracking the door open, Gail glanced in and saw through the curtain that Holly was sitting in the shower with her knees pulled up to the chest. Her shoulders were shaking and as one song faded into the next Gail was able to make out the sound of crying.

Not really sure what to do but not wanting to leave Holly crying, Gail reached over and turned the music down. Holly quickly ran her hands over her face to try and will herself to stop crying and turned to look at Gail who was awkwardly standing in the doorway.

"Sorry," said Gail, staring at the floor. "The food is here and…um…are you okay?"

After a moment Gail chanced a glance up and saw Holly just looking at her with red eyes. Then she turned back around and rested her head on her knees.

"No." Due to the water running, cascading over Holly's shaking form, Gail almost didn't catch it, the small admission that came from the shower. Since Holly hadn't immediately kicked Gail out for walking in on her, she chanced moving further into the bathroom. She sat down next to the tub, slightly behind and to the side of Holly so she couldn't see much of her body, and moved the curtain so she could rest her chin on the rim.

"Does it have anything to do with the day you mentioned wanting to talk about?" Gail just stared at Holly's back, watching the water fall down her tan back. There was nothing sexual about the moment she just didn't have much else to look at. Holly nodded. "Well, I'm here when you want to talk."

"You just want to see me naked," joked Holly. She turned her head and rested it on her arm so she could see the blonde. Gail smiled softly knowing that Holly was just deflecting. Come on, Gail was the queen of deflecting, she knew what it looked like.

"I certainly won't complain," teased Gail before getting serious again. "Really, Holls. What's up? We tell each other stuff. Remember?"

Holly sighed and leaned back so that her head wouldn't be under the stream of water. Gail didn't even think to look at anything but Holly's face. She missed Holly's face and she hated seeing her look so hurt.

"There was a body today," said Holly but when she didn't offer anything else, Gail took the opportunity to try and help Holly out.

"A body? How very weird. You never see those at the medical examiner's office." When Holly turned to narrow her eyes at Gail, the blonde just smiled. It worked though. Holly was already starting to feel slightly better and she offered a small smirk.

"Male. 67. Retired cop. Gunshot wound to the head." Holly said all this as monotone as she could manage while staring up at the stream of water still falling over her body. Gail watched her face intently, seeing the same worry and deep thought flitter across her face that she had seen earlier that day at the hospital.

"Self-inflicted?" Holly nodded and choked back the tears she was managing to keep at bay. Gail waited for Holly to continue. There was more to it than just what Holly was saying.

"I kept picturing you there. On my table. And it was just hard."

"Holly," said Gail. She rolled her sleeves up, rested her arms on the rim of the tub, and moved a hand under Holly's head to massage her neck. "I know the past day must have been rough but I would never actually…"

"I know. That wasn't the only thing." Holly closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "I was also thinking about your job, the stress you deal with, and how painful it must be to lose people that way."

Gail just nodded and continued to watch Holly's face. A lump in her own throat threated to cause her to start crying as thoughts of Jerry flashed in her head. She wondered if Holly had worked on the case. When Gail had told Holly the story of Perik, Holly had just listened. She had just been there and she had just listened and held her when she started crying.

They sat in silence for what seemed like forever. Holly's eyes were still closed and she had moved into Gail's touch, relaxing slightly but still feeling terrible by the looks of her furrowed brow. Gail let her gaze drop to her fingers at the base of Holly's neck.

"We can chop all your hair off," joked Gail. "I hear it's rather therapeutic."

Holly laughed and shook her head.

"I don't think I'd pull of that look as well as you do," said Holly.

As they sat in silence again, Gail let her eyes close and just focused on rubbing the back of Holly's neck. It was the small intimate things like this that Gail missed most about them. While this moment was much more serious and more about comfort than romance and casual flirting, this wasn't the first time Gail had sat like this with Holly, although it was usually a bath so Gail wasn't usually getting bombarded by stray water droplets.

"I forged his documents. Wrote in 'accidental weapon discharge'." Holly's voice was barely above a whisper. Gail snapped her attention back to Holly's face and met her gaze when she turned to look at the blonde. She looked so destroyed. So lost. Gail had never once see Holly like this. Between the two of them she was always the one who was put together. "Eight years of both residency and fellowship and I have never forged a single document, Gail. Not one."

"You know you're telling this to a police officer, right?" Gail gave her a small smile to indicate she was just teasing her and Holly smirked at it.

"Considering the fact that your mother gave me the case, I'm going to go ahead and assume that I did what was…" Holly turned back to looking at the ceiling.

"Expected of you," finished Gail, the smile on her face was gone. Her mother. Of course this was Elaine Peck's doing. She knew that if she handed the case to Holly that after everything with Gail she would fudge the papers. Holly was vulnerable and Elaine Fucking Peck knew that. Gail was seething and she could barely hide it when she spoke. "I'm sorry, Holly. I am sorry you ever had to meet her let alone deal with her political bullshit."

Gail was glaring off to the side when she felt a wet finger poke her nose. She met Holly's eyes again, her gaze softening under the watchful brown eyes.

"I didn't do it for her. I did it for him. His daughter. It just…" Holly shrugged and sat back up, addressing the faucet, "…made me feel like shit. And thinking about what would have happened to you if Traci hadn't found you really didn't help. You would have been there. On my table. I don't ever want to see you on my table, Gail."

Holly sounded so small and Gail could tell she had sat up because she was crying again. Without even thinking, Gail pulled off her pants and shirt and climbed in to the tub behind Holly, pulling the brunette into her arms and holding her. Holly's arms wrapped around her own and it felt like she was holding on for dear life as her body shook silently from crying.

"I'm right here. Okay?" Gail rested her forehead against Holly's back. "I'm right here. And hey, look, we're in a bath tub. No tables here. I'm not going anywhere. No matter how pruney we get."

Holly snorted and the shaking turned from crying into laughter. Gail just smiled into her back and let her laugh. When Holly had calmed down she just sat there in the moment, letting the water wash over both of them. Finally, she turned off the shower and squeezed Gail's arms to indicate she could let go. Gail reluctantly did and climbed out the tub to grab a spare towel off the back of the door while Holly used her own towel next to the shower.

"We still need to talk about us, you know," said Holly. Gail glanced over to meet Holly's eyes. Although she'd being lying if she said she didn't let her gaze wander for a moment. Holly smirked and shook her head before pointing toward her bedroom. "Some of your underwear is still here if you want some that aren't soaking wet and I'll change your bandages when we're dressed."

Gail looked down and realized that she had, in fact, climbed into the shower wearing her underwear and not putting anything over her hand and sighed. Then Holly's words registered.

"Why do you still have my underwear? Creep." Holly rolled her eyes.

"They're in the drawer where all the other stuff you left here is," was all Holly offered for an answer.

Leaving Holly to get dressed, Gail made her way to Holly's room and into the bottom drawer of her dresser. The same place Gail used to keep her stuff. Gail's drawer. It was filled with the spare clothes she left there, an extra pair of uniform pants she had forgotten she owned, and the video game system she had bought just to play at Holly's house whenever the nerd was working in her home office. She smiled at how neatly everything was arranged in the drawer.

"It felt wrong throwing away perfectly good Spiderman underwear," said Holly. Gail looked over to see her smirking from the doorway. The blonde rolled her eyes and grabbed the clean underwear, opting to just not wear a bra. Considering the number of times she had just wandered around Holly's house naked, she figured not wearing a bra under a shirt was probably okay. Once she was changed she headed to the kitchen where Holly was pulling the food out of the microwave and getting plates out of the cabinet.

Gail sat on one of the stools at the island and pulled a plate toward herself. Holly always insisted they use plates because Gail always ended up taking her food. With the plates it was easier to share. Before she could start piling stuff on to her plate, Holly was grabbing her arm and changing the soaked bandage, making sure nothing was infected.

They ate in silence, Holly sitting on the counter top across from the island with her feet propped up on it. Despite knowing the conversation that was to come, Gail couldn't help but laugh in her head about the fact that both of them were sitting there shooting each other glances like back when they were "just friends". Holly was obviously anxious for this conversation because she practically inhaled her food and placed the dishes in the sink next to her.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" asked Holly. "Or texts? Or anything?"

Sighing, Gail put her fork down and pushed the plate away. She was still hungry but she didn't want to eat while talking. Well, at least not during this conversation.

"Fear. And pride. Mostly fear," said Gail to the counter top. "After not talking to you for a week, I figured you were calling to end it for good. So, I just avoided it. Like I pretty much do with everything."

"I just wanted to talk," said Holly, watching Gail look everywhere but at her. If it were anyone else, she'd be suspicious of the look but she knew that Gail was just uncomfortable. She knew she'd be the one talking during most of the conversation but that was okay. She had things she wanted to say. "I wanted to apologize for Lisa, who sometimes doesn't know when to shut up. I wanted to tell you about how much Rachel absolutely loved you. I wanted to tell you about how Rodney was messing around and locked himself in one of the drawers."

Gail smiled at the thing about Rodney and actually managed to look up at Holly's face.

"I would have told you about how you're not just some "beat cop". Not to me. I would have called you a stubborn ass for not talking to me and told you to come get you shit out of my house just so I could trick you into coming over. There are a lot of things I wanted to say to you Gail. None of them involved ending it. Ending us. I took your silence as you ending us."

Gail stopped herself from apologizing again and realized she actually need to be a part of this discussion if she wanted a chance at keeping Holly.

"It hurt. A lot." Gail stared at the counter again, hoping Holly would forgive her for not being able to look at her during this. It was already hard enough. "When Lisa said that crap. I mean, oooo she gives insecure women bigger breasts, good job for her. I've been shot at. I almost watched Chris bleed to death. Chloe and Sam almost died. Oliver was kidnapped. I've personally been kicked, punched, pushed, and spit at. I've been kidnapped, bound, and almost raped and killed while a detective died saving me. Me. Of all fucking people. One of the coolest guys you probably never got to meet died to save the bitchiest girl anyone has ever known. He could still be here if it weren't for me. He and Traci could have like six kids and a white picket fence and everything and he chose to save me. You know what I've managed to do in the time since then. I've cheated on Nick and walked out on you. Great choice, Jerry."

At this point Gail was sobbing and Holly got off the counter but Gail shook her head so the brunette stayed where she was and just watched even though it was killing her.

"And here comes this woman, who is supposed to be like family to the woman that I love, voicing every single fucking insecurity I have about us. God, I wanted to just die," choked Gail. "It was stupid of me to expect you to just stand up in the middle of the Penny and defend me. But God, did I want it. And I just. I overreacted. And I really can't say I'm sorry enough for leaving you there and not calling, or stopping by, or answering you. And you really do have every right to not want to be with me. Sometimes, I barely want to be with me. I could never kill myself. Never. I couldn't do that to Traci or Leo or you, but god do I just hate myself sometimes."

Holly couldn't take it anymore. She walked around the island and pulled Gail into her arms, resting her head on top of the blonde's. Gail just let herself fall apart. She wrapped her arms around Holly and held her as tightly as she could. She believed every word she said about Holly having every right to not be with her but that didn't mean she didn't want Holly to want to be with her. She wanted Holly. She had never wanted someone more than the way she wanted Holly.

Pulling Gail's face from her shirt with both hands, Holly looked at the blonde and waited for her to meet her gaze.

"Of all the angry, sad, nonsensical things I wanted to say to you, if you had just answered your phone, the most important was that I love you, Gail Peck." Gail swallowed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. She hadn't been expecting that. Not in the slightest. Why would Holly love her? "I love you. I'm so madly in love with your impetuous, self-destructive, bratty ass that we made out before we could even have this stupid talk. I specifically told myself not to let that happen. I'm not even mad at you anymore and that's infuriating. And as for Jerry. You don't have to believe me, but ever since you told me about what happened I thank him every day that I have you and I am not a praying person, Gail."

"You insisted on the stupid talk," mumbled Gail, pushing her head against Holly chest to hide the fact that she was fairly certain she was blushing and still crying. "And being mad about not being mad doesn't make any sense."

"That's what grown-ups do, Gail. They talk. It's how relationships actually work." Holly ran her fingers through Gail's hair, trying to soothe the tension that was still there. "And yes, being mad about not being mad makes no sense. That's why I'm mad about it."

Gail smiled into Holly's shirt before looking back up at the brunette.

"Okay. Talking. Well. I love you, Holly," said Gail. "And that absolutely terrifies me."

Holly smiled while swallowing back tears and leaned down to gently kiss Gail.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: Sorry this took a week to get up, I kept getting distracted by feels for other writings. Thank you for all the love and support.

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><p>The smell of blueberry pancakes practically yanked Gail from her dreams. She sat up in Holly's bed and looked around, the brunette was nowhere to be seen but she could hear her singing in the kitchen. Gail was just thankful that the blueberry pancakes weren't part of her dream. Well, she was glad Holly wasn't a dream either but her stomach told her she was extra happy about the pancakes. The only reason Gail had been worried that Holly hadn't been real was because of the stupid pain killers.<p>

After they had finished talking she had taken another Percocet because her hand was killing her and while it dulled the pain it, coupled with how tired she was, also had her freaking out about the idea that she'd wake up and Holly would be gone. As they cuddled in the gigantic comfy bed, surrounded by pillows, Holly would just laugh and kiss her, promising that she was real. But, come on, that was just the sort of thing figment-Holly would promise.

"Hey." Gail looked over to Holly walking in the door with a tray covered with food. "Food and pills."

"Mmm," moaned Gail as she sat up against the headboard. Holly sat the tray in her lap and ran her fingers through the blonde's unruly hair. "Two of my favorite things served to me by my favorite. Good morning so far."

Holly smiled and moved to her closet. As Gail dug into the pancakes she swallowed the pill down with the first bite. The food was amazing. When Holly stepped out the closet fully dressed, Gail was a little disappointed, knowing that meant she was going to work.

"I'll order you lunch and I'll come straight home after work," said Holly, seeing the pout on Gail's face.

"Uh. I have an appointment at 4," mumbled Gail. She looked down at her plate and poked at the bacon. "I'll get a ride but can you just pick me up after work? Should be around the same time."

"Sure. Where's the appointment?" Gail recited the address from memory while finishing off the hash browns. She moved to down the juice while Holly studied her face. "Therapist?"

Gail nodded while swallowing the knot in her throat down with the juice. Holly moved around the bed to stand near her and planted a gentle kiss where she'd smacked her head into the toilet bowl. The blonde was grateful that she didn't push for any more information than that.

"Text me if you get bored. I'll respond when I can. Spare key is on the counter."

After Holly had left, Gail finished her breakfast and then decided to be the awesome person she was trying to be and took her tray and dishes to the sink. Putting a plastic bag around her hand she managed to wash all of her dishes rather painlessly and put them on the drying rack. Then she turned and inspected the countertop. Next to the spare key, Holly had left two upside down glasses on the counter, each with a pill under it and a post-it note on top with the time Gail should take it. The blonde pulled out her phone. She sent a quick text to Traci before opening her conversation with Holly.

Gail: So, what? I can't be trusted with my own pills?

Holly: They're in the cabinet. I just figured you wouldn't want to open the bottle.

Gail: Oh. Thanks.

Holly: :)

Gail went back to Holly's bedroom and pulled the Wii out of the bottom drawer. She hooked it up and spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon playing Mario Kart since it was pretty easy to just have to turn the controller instead of moving her thumb around constantly. Holly had ordered Chinese food for lunch and Gail was fairly certain that no one could be more in love than she was when she saw the extra orders of fortune cookies.

Traci showed up around 3 with Swarek in tow to take her to therapy. Sam and Gail just sort of nodded at each other and Traci shook her head at them as she pulled Gail into a big hug. When she got dropped off at Dwyer's build she almost thought about leaving and going to the pizza place across the street but decided against it. She needed this. It would help, she reminded herself.

"Good afternoon, Gail."

"Hi." Gail plopped down on the couch, kicked her shoes off, and pulled her feet up. Dwyer watched her do this and nodded, sitting down in her own chair, and pulling her clipboard into her lap. "Can we not with the clipboard?"

"It's just so I can make notes to remember what we talked about. You're free to read them when we're done if that will make you more comfortable." Gail pursed her lips and watched her for a moment before nodding. "I remember how reluctant you were to talk to me during the mandatory session. What made you make this one?"

There was a long silence and Dwyer was about to open her mouth when Gail finally spoke.

"I drank too much, punched a mirror, downed some pain killers, and passed out before I could stop the bleeding. Traci found me. Everyone thought I was trying to kill myself. I wasn't. I was just drunk. And that's just sort of been the topping of a huge pile of shit."

"Okay," said Dwyer. She seemed at a loss for words at how frankly and quickly Gail had said everything. "Let's start with the last part. Besides a series of unfortunate looking events, why would everyone think you were trying to kill yourself? Normally people don't tend to just jump to that conclusion."

"I guess, maybe because I've been kind of off lately. Everything was going great until I walked out on Holly. Then it's like everything blew up all at once. I lose my best friend to a white shirt. Dov has been so preoccupied with Chloe and her drama that I never see him outside work. Chris has been running around shoving shit up his nose apparently. Traci has Steve and Steve has Traci. Then." Gail paused and collected herself. "Then, I tried to save a woman who just ended up dying at the hospital and now this precious little girl is left in the system with no one, no home, no family, nothing and the case just won't leave me alone."

If anyone saw her spilling her heart to the therapist the way she was and asked her why she was going it Gail would have immediately blamed the drugs. But she knew better. She needed this. The tears running down her cheeks, the cracks in her voice. She needed to talk to someone about all of this.

"It feels like, for the first time in my life I'm trying to reach out to people and they're all just too busy to care. And sometimes I get it. You know, people have their own lives. But then they all make their little comments about me having no feelings, about me being so cold like nothing matters to me…and that's not some paranoid exaggeration because they literally say the shit to my face…but then they constantly push me to open up to them, and then are nowhere to be found the second I actually need someone. It's like it has to be on their terms. Holly is the only one who has just been there for me, no matter what and had pushed her away by dive bombing out the tree head first. We kind of worked it out but I'm still scared. Scared to tell her any of this. Because I know she'll worry."

"Tree? Holly?" Gail sighed heavily.

"Holly is the woman I mentioned last time. The one who kissed me. Turns out I liked her. We dated. I fucked up. We talked. And now…I think we're together again. Maybe. But I need help. And I can't keep expecting it all from her."

Dwyer nodded and made note of it on her clipboard. Gail watched her scribble the words out and waited for her to say something about how Gail had insisted she wasn't 'switching teams' but it never came.

"Okay, what happened with her? And what is this tree you 'dive bombed' out of?"

Gail sighed. This was going to be a long session.

By the time she walked out of the building into the fresh air, Gail was pretty sure she'd cried and talked enough for the rest of her life. Everyone would just have to accept text messages for as long as they knew her. Spotting Holly in the parking lot leaning against her SUV, Gail smiled. Gail was amazed at how gorgeous she looked just wearing a plain shirt and jeans with a cardigan thrown on. Although, she actually found everything about Holly amazing. She knew she loved her but she hadn't realized how much until Dwyer stopped her in the middle of a ramble about Holly. Even the therapist had smiled at her knowingly, seeing how deeply ingrained Holly was in her.

"Hey, how'd it go?" asked Holly as Gail shambled up to her, staring at her. The blonde grunted and pushed herself against Holly, snuggling her head into the brunette's neck. Holly froze for a minute before wrapping her arms around Gail's neck. "About how I expected then?"

Gail grunted again while Holly just held her. After a couple of people passed them, Holly moved off the car and managed to get Gail into the passenger seat. As soon they got back to Holly's, Gail shuffled upstairs and back into Holly's bed, burying herself into the sheets and pillows, wrapping herself in what was essentially a bed cocoon.

She must have fallen asleep because she was being woken up sometime later by gentle kisses on her face. She pushed at Holly to get off her and whipped her cheek with the blanket. The other woman just started laughing and pulled Gail up into a sitting position.

"Come up grumpy, I made dinner. Then you can go right back to bed."

With the promise of food, Gail trudged down the stairs and into the dining room. Everything from earlier that afternoon still fresh in her mind and Dwyer had told her to try and talk to Holly. That even if some things would make her worry, Gail not telling her anything would make her worry more. As a plate of macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and mashed potatoes appeared in front of her, Gail looked at Holly who was sitting down next to her. This was not something Holly ever made. This looked like the food Gail ate by herself when she didn't feel like eating delivery for the fourth day in a row.

"Figured you'd want some comfort food after therapy," said Holly with a smile. She had obviously seen the look on Gail's face. "Don't worry, it's all organic so you can still tell me how gross it is."

Gail grinned before digging in. She was much hungrier than she had realized and she was suddenly glad that she had been dragged out of bed. They ate in silence but Gail didn't want Holly to think she wasn't grateful for everything that was being done for her so she had rested one of her hands on the brunette's knee and dragged her leg closer to her. The blonde felt bad, like she wanted to talk to Holly but she was just so tired of talking that day that she couldn't bring herself to open her mouth except to shove food in it. She stared at her hot dog willing Holly to know that it was okay for her to talk to her even if she wasn't in the mood to talk back.

And naturally, Holly was smart enough to pick up on how Gail was feeling.

"Work was better today," said Holly after she had finished eating and pushed the rest of her plate toward Gail. "Nothing super crazy or…stressful. Okay, work was actually kind of boring. But boring is pretty good compared to stressful."

Hanging on every word, Gail listened to Holly talk about her day and how Randy had been hungover so she kept messing with him until he threw a pen at her and she acted mortified and like she was going to fire him. Then he started freaking out and apologizing and she just laughed at him. Such a couple of nerds. Sounded a lot like 15 though. Like 15 but with science and stuff. It took Holly a few minutes into a story about a visiting superior to realize that Gail had cleaned both plates and was just watching her talk. Holly was just so amazing.

"Oh. Sorry," laughed Holly as she picked up their dishes and started to wash them in the sink. Gail just shot her a small smile to say it was okay. As she watched Holly clean everything and put it all away Gail suddenly found her voice again.

"How do you do it?" Holly finished putting some plates away and turned to look at her.

"Do what?"

"Go from being a complete wreck to…you in barely a day?" Gail watched Holly nod confirming that she understood exactly what the blonde was talking about.

"I had you," shrugged Holly. Gail looked skeptical. "Seriously, Gail. You, someone I trust and love, were there for me. That's all I needed. For some people that's all they need. Other people, who have mothers with the emotional depth of tracing paper, need more and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, sure what happened is still bugging me and it's going to but, overall, I'm feeling better because you were here for me. Because you are here with me."

Gail smiled at the mother comment and then stared down at her feet.

"Come on. Let's get you back into your cocoon so you can start to feel better too." Holly stretched her hand out for Gail to take and they walked back to Holly's bedroom. As Gail snuggled back into her spot, Holly changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She pulled the band out of the hair as she hoped into the bed and turned on the television.

Gail moved the comforter so Holly's torso was under it too and pulled her into being a part of her cocoon. Holly smiled down at her and started petting her head while she flipped through the channels looking for something to watch.

"Dwyer said I should take a few days off. I have another appointment tomorrow and the day after. She said that if I was feeling any better after that she could recommend me for light duty," mumbled Gail into Holly's side.

"That sounds good," said Holly, scratching lightly behind Gail's ear. "And you're welcome to stay here."

For a few minutes, Holly just watched whatever crime show was on the TV and Gail ran her fingers long the hem of the brunette's shirt.

"Are we…?" asked Gail.

"If you'd like us to be. I certainly would like us to be," said Holly as she tilted Gail's head up to look at her. "I love you Gail. I'm not going anywhere. If you just need a friend right now. I can be a friend but I can't lie and say I wouldn't love to be more with you."

Gail moved herself into a sitting position since she couldn't prop herself up and looked at Holly.

"You saying we can't date and be friends. Sounds fishy to me," teased Gail, poking at Holly's ribs.

"Hush. You know what I meant. Here I am trying to be serious for you and you're making fun of me." Holly stuck her tongue out.

"I want to be with you," said Gail. "I'm probably being crazy needy right now and I'm sure that's a terrible time to be making…"

Gail was cut off by Holly kissing her, gently at first then much more passionately as Holly's slid to the back of Gail's neck. They broke apart when Gail couldn't catch her breath fast enough.

"I love you," breathed Gail. Holly smiled her biggest toothiest smile and the blonde found herself unable to keep herself from smiling back. While Gail knew she still needed to see the therapist, she couldn't help thinking that Holly was definitely at the top of the list of things she needed to help her keep going. Holly grounded her, reminded her that she could be better if she worked hard enough for it.

Gail had her best friend back and it just so happened that her best friend was an amazing kisser. Everything else seemed a lot easier so long as Holly was somewhere nearby.

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><p>Note: Here's the deal. I really feel like I could end this here and technically this was originally planned as the ending (yes, this fic was planned as smut free). However I am willing to fill any blanks or glaring questions people have. I really love writing for this fic but this was literally meant as a comfort piece. I really didn't plan on going too far with it because I feel like it would just turn into one of those never ending fics with no ends and "Campfire Story" is already like that enough.<p>

I dunno. Let me know what you guys thing. Maybe you'll agree that this is an understandable ending, maybe you won't. Maybe you just really want me to write some specific scene for this fic. I don't know. Let me know. xoxoxo


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